Daily Quote

"I like thinking of possibilities. At any time, an entirely new possibility is liable to come along and spin you off in an entirely new direction. The trick, I've learned, is to be awake to the moment."
Doug Hall

Reality is Relative

I am posting some of my most revered columns for review to help keep you motivated! Here's one that received lots of positive feedback:
I’d like to get your thinking about something. Do you realize that any situation, be it good, bad or indifferent only has the meaning that you place on it. Your reality is purely relative to the thoughts and feelings you attach to it. One man’s pleasure is another man’s pain. One man’s debilitating scenario is another man’s opportunity.
Let’s step back a bit. Everything about your life is based on choices you have made. The good and the painful are a result of decisions you made along the way. Even in a tragedy, you make a choice how to cope with it. This is why you see that some people overcome huge odds or tragedies and make great things happen. That is why you also see some people face a tragedy and give up on everything.
Each is a choice based on the reality created between your two ears. Even if you subscribe to the false notion that circumstances are beyond your control, think about this. No matter what any other person or thing may be able to control, no one can control your thoughts. Victor Frankle was a survivor of the death camps of World War II. While there, Victor underwent experimental surgeries without anesthesia. While he lay there in grueling pain, he would allow his mind to travel to thoughts of peace and love, thereby transcending the physical pain. More than that, he believed that he actually had more freedom than the monsters that were performing these inhumane acts on him.
If a tree falls in a forest, a conservationist and a logger may have conflicting reactions. Same situation, different perspective. Why do some people love a rainy day while others hate them? It is the same for any circumstance that you face. Do not let social consciousness dictate to you how you must react to tragedy. If you do, you may allow yourself to take on characteristics that do not suit you, nor do they bring you closer to be, do and have.
I know a girl who had a personal challenge a few years ago. Her life changed quickly and she was hit hard. The situation is irrelative, but the outcome is very relative to her current success. When she was in the midst of her “stuff” it seemed that she drew a lot of sympathy and “oh, you poor thing's” from people. Initially, her family supported her sadness and upset. As the people she knew kept up the “poor thing” attitude, an interesting thing happened. She began to take on the persona of the wounded victim. She began to think and act like a crippled soul, whom nothing much should be expected of because she had been victimized.
After the novelty wore off and the people around her started to believe that she should be over “it”, she no longer knew how to operate outside of the “poor me” role. Then people became intolerant to her behavior after they helped create it. Luckily, she figured out that it was the perception held by others that she was a victim that created her logic. Once she changed her way of thinking about her circumstance, she actually announced that she wasn’t going to be negatively affected by her situation anymore and she walked away from the blame game. Consequently, she began to prosper in all areas of her life. Just from changing her perspective.
My advice to most people is not to take impersonal things personally. If you are treated poorly at the store, it isn’t about you. It may be about the clerk’s issues. If you are cut off on the freeway, it isn’t about you, the other driver may be rushing to the hospital to say good-bye to a dying family member or to say hello to an about-to-be-born child. If you are highly qualified and don’t get the job, it isn’t about you - the agency may have had a more qualified candidate.
If tragedy comes your way, you have choices. You can tell yourself that there is no meaning in going on, or you can say I am going to face this and grow. Look at how many foundations have begun due to a tragedy. AIDS and cancer research, scholarships, self-help and awareness programs are all born from tragedy. Look at amazing people who survived unbearable horrors who deeply feel they were left to tell us something or to help make change. Learn to apply a reality that is based on accountability. Own your choices and reactions to the results and you can lay another foundational brick in your path to be, do and have.
Try this fun two-day experiment. Each person you pass, look in the eye and smile. You should see that people who would normally never interact with you will say hello or smile back. You have been passing people your whole life and not interacting with them. How does it make you feel to interact? You may actually make some ones day with your smile and acknowledgement.

The Best Mother's Day, I Think.....

Well, I can't sleep and I feel the need to write to you to share what I think has been a good Mother's Day; although, I had to fight to make it so. James Arthur Ray is an author and fellow colleague on all things human potential. He has taught me about the law of polarity and for every action, thought, or situation, there is an opposite action, thought, or situation. Said again, when something bad happens, there has to be something good that happens with it. It is up to us to find the good or see the good despite the interpretation that there is nothing good to see.

So here it is another Mother's Day; I'm single and my kids' dad does not see fit to make sure that the kids get me anything. That, in and of itself, is not that big of a deal - it just hurts a bit. My oldest daughter's God-Father helped ease the pain by getting things for her to give to me. It would have been very nice for their actual father to have helped, though there is always this weirdness about Mother's Day where the girls feel bad because they have nothing to give and we all know why. Despite this, I will make sure their father has something on Father's Day, because it is the right thing to do. So my day began with my baby (14 yrs. old) telling me happy Mother's Day and can you bring me some toilet paper. Actually, she told me that she was happy that she was my daughter, too, so that made me feel pretty good.

We went to the Old Shasta Fiddler's Fair. That has been a tradition since I was still celebrating Mother's Day with my mom. The fair is dwindling, fewer vendors and fewer choices, kind of sad, but we had fun. Next, we went to the mall where I had the privilege to get my kids things that they wanted for Mother's Day. A new dress for one and a new shirt for the other. I also found a cute new dress for me for $19.99. Cha Ching!

All day I had this bad feeling, a kind of sadness and lonesome feeling. I think I was feeling sorry for myself, even though I really have no real reason to feel this way.

In the afternoon, I went and took a nap and that felt good. When I woke up things weren't too great. My daughter announced that she had sent a message to her step-mother for her to have a "Happy Mother's Day" and that her father was so happy that she had done that because it made her feel good. All of a sudden, I found myself needing to leave the room. Out of nowhere came feelings of rage and sadness. I knew that I needed to get out and clear my head, fast. I put on my running shoes and headed for the door. My daughter knew something was wrong and even though I tried to cover it up, I knew she knew something was wrong.

As I started to run, I just felt worse and worse. I was about a quarter mile away and my oldest pulls up in her car and said that her sister said I was upset and was everything OK? I just started to cry. I let it all out to my daughter in the middle of the road, her in her car and me on the street. I cried about how much it hurt that the message was sent. What was the motivation for sending it and why did she tell me about it and about her father's reaction? I felt betrayed and wondered if my daughter wished she were at their house. I had no ability to see the good in sending this message. I felt as though her step-mother was walking ten feet tall and I was reduced to nothing. So, there is a lot of baggage about the situation that is not fit for this blog and not why I am writing this.

After my daughter left, I ran and cried and searched for the polarity. What was the good in this situation? It started to come to me that a child can never have too much love to give or receive. I started to realize that I was holding on to the desire that my children only have one mother and one father and that those roles were exclusive. I had long since accepted that my daughter had another life and, dare I say, family. I had sacrificed many times supporting her desire to attend holidays with "them" because they had more activities and it made perfect sense for her to be where the action is. I had willingly accepted that, no matter what I wanted, I had no control over another person's choices and it was far better to get along with my ex and his new wife than to hold on to bitterness. I realize, and I hope you do too, that bed feelings never hurt anyone but yourself. It's like committing suicide, and expecting someone else to die.

So, I calmed down and came home and went in my back yard to cool off. My daughter came out and she was crying. Through her tears she told me a sad and uplifting story. She told me that the reason she sent the "Happy Mother's Day" greeting was this: At her father's house, where she lives nearly 50% of the time, she has no room of her own, no dresser, no closet, and there are no pictures of her other than from her dad's wedding. Her step-siblings cover the walls and everything there belongs to them. All that she has comes and goes from a duffel bag that she packs with clean clothes coming in and takes the dirty clothes back home here for me to wash. She has no toiletries or anything there except a hair dryer. In this house is a calendar. On the calendar go all of the important events in her dad's family's life. Last month was April. Her birthday is in April, as are other family members' birthdays. No one put my daughter's birthday on the calendar. She sat there and cried and told me how it hurts to see everyone's activities celebrated and how bad it makes her feel to be left out, even though she thinks that she is a good person. She then told me that she sent the message because she thought that if she "did the right thing" that maybe they would include her on the family calendar. Can you believe that.

Hearing my daughter share her upset about her lack of a place in a home she lives in nearly 50% of the time broke my heart. Hearing her show her maturity about how she thought she could reach out and make it better made me the proudest mother on the planet. Together, she and I talked about how this was probably something no one was doing on purpose and, if they were, they will have their own karma to face. I encouraged her to keep it up and that she always had someone to talk to in me.

It is so hard to see your child hurt, but I have learned the hardest of ways that it is their path and there is no room for Mommy to fix the pain. I can only make sure that her life with me is focused on her and her well being. I can only think positively and wish the best for her dad and that he has an open heart and has the type of relationship with her that I have, whereby she can be honest and share how she feels.

I felt I was having a bad Mother's Day, but I got the best gift ever, the knowledge that my child has an amazing heart. Divorce is never easy, but with good communication we can all make it through.

6 months of words

This week is the 6th-month mark for my column in the Red Bluff Daily News. I am excited about the opportunities that have opened up to me and to others who share an interest in successful post-divorce relationships, law of attraction, weight management and other human potential subjects.
I am as enthusiastic today as I was the first time my column came out. I have a ritual every Wednesday morning. I go to Perk Avenue on North Main, get a white chocolate raspberry scone and a newspaper and read my column. I get bugged because the newspaper usually edits whatever cleaver title I have given my column, but they have yet to rearrange my words, so not all is lost.
I enjoy seeing the familiar faces of the morning coffee crew (have you ever seen those guys in there?). They tease me, or make me feel good about myself, whatever way the wind is blowing for them that day.
I enjoy the routine and the way it makes me feel.
Thank you to all of you who stop by to see what's new on the blog and to post now and again about your reaction to our work.
Ciao-4-Now to you all

Faydra's Train Theory

I have a theory that I believe and it is very useful when I am wondering why I do not have something that I want. Many people who are changing their lives (we are all always changing our lives) for the better sometimes get discouraged because they think that the fact that the desire is not "here", means that it isn't coming, they can't get it, or whatever. Based on the negativity, they stop doing the new behavior that they swore was going to get them to a better place in life. They stop the healthy eating, the exercise, saving money, having a healthy relationship, etc.

My theory is the Train Theory. Whenever, we are starting a new behavior, or a new way of thinking, we are like a long train standing in the depot. As we begin our journey, we take off slowly. It takes a ton of initial effort to get the train to move even an inch. If we were to measure a train's success at reaching its destination in the first moments of leaving, we would calculate that there is no way the train is going to get anywhere in any time soon. But the train gathers speed and energy and, over a course of miles and a course of time, it becomes a powerhouse of motion. By the time it is truly up and running it is a major powerful force.

That is how we are. Changes happen slowly with time and mileage. If we gauge our success in the first few days, or sometimes months, we may not see clearly the momentum we are generating and completely miss the big picture.

Just as it is easier to stop a train in the beginning of its journey, it is super easy to stop your growth in the beginning of yours. Get your train running. It takes miles for a fast-moving train to stop its momentum. It is the same for you when you have it together and you are making things happen; it is virtually impossible for you to be stopped.

No matter who you are and no matter what level of success you have achieved, it is hard to always remain positive. It is hard when you set a new goal to stay on track. I have my share of hard times, too. Managing weight, managing relationships, managing money can take a toll on you. You have to stay the fight. You have to be honest with yourself and evaluate what you can do better and give yourself credit for what you do well already. If you are honest and are willing to adjust yourself to get back on track, you can be the engineer of the little engine that could and make things happen in your life.

Consider This

An email sent to me, says a lot.....

I AM THANKFUL:
FOR THE WIFE
WHO SAYS IT'S HOT DOGS TONIGHT,
BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME,
AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

FOR THE HUSBAND
WHO IS ON THE SOFA
BEING A COUCH POTATO,
BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME
AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS.

FO R THE TEENAGER
WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES
BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME,
NOT ON THE STREETS.

FOR THE TAXES I PAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM EMPLOYED.

FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE
BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS.

FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.

FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE

FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING,
WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING,
AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME.

FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING
I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT BECAUSE IT MEANS
WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH.

FOR THE PARKING SPOT
I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH
TRANSPORTAT ION.

FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL
BECAUSE IT MEANs
I AM WARM.

FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH
WHO SINGS OFF KEY BECAUSE IT MEANS
I CAN HEAR.

FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.

FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES
AT THE END OF THE DAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN
CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.

FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF
IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE.

More Often Than Not = Success

How do you gauge if you are successful? well, that will be when more often than not, you are getting the results you want. No matter who you are, no matter how successful you become, no matter what manifests in your life, you will have adversity, you will face challenges and you will have set backs. In light of this, you need to keep your eye on the prize, and you need to keep your belief that all good things are yours and all the things you desire are coming and are already here in one way or another.
So, when you feel that there is no end to your desires, or the things that you want, know that this is how it is supposed to be. You are always meant to think and grow new ideas and desires and make them happen.
As you develop your new skills and get on track, more often than not, you will see results; more often than not, you will get what you desire; more often than not, you will attract abundance. Achievement or lack of are both feedback. One tells you that you are on target and one tells you that you are not - So what is your average?