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My Snarky Evolution

I am at a crossroads in my literary life. I have been doing this blog since 2007 and the All About Divorce blog since 2008. Both blogs are dedicated to awakening in you your true potential and helping you heal and become whomever you want to be.

I know that it is possible to evolve, because I have and continue to evolve every day. I grow through the trials and experiences that I have, and through observing the happenings of others. Together, with my partners, I sift through the muck and find the "something" that makes it worthwhile and makes the growth meaningful.

I do not sit in a light-filled room channeling higher powers who compel me to write to you or to craft my column. In fact, I face a lot of criticism by people, and you know who you are, because you read my stuff, even though you say I am a fraud. I also embrace a lot of positive support. I write for myself, for the haters, and for the fanimals (as I lovingly call you).

These last weeks, I have felt torn about who I really am. The truth is this: I am fairly snarky (snarky and sparkle are my two most favorite words) person, and I have a pretty good way with sarcasm, wordsmithing, and looking within myself. As a multitude of emails to Diane can attest to, my realizations of all that I know about success come from endless reading, my vigilant search to "know better", and all the crap I have faced in this lifetime.

I have written pages that would spread for miles and miles that were filled with snarky commentary about what was happening in my life that totally sucked, was unfair, or just plain pissed me off. I have had really crappy things go on and, at the time, my release was to vent, search for meaning and find a way to make it better or go away.

My snarky evolution has always been the same. Event + snarky processing + searching for better = growth.

Those who know me well and those who think they know me have both seen the same thing. Something in my life in my small town causes me discomfort. I process my feelings by whatever means I do; sometimes verbal, sometimes written, then something amazing usually happens to me. I figure it out. Maybe not all at once and maybe not as fast as I and others would like, but the overall trend is upward.

Sometimes I figure stuff out without something bad happening. BONUS!!!!! Sometimes I don't need the snark.

So, as things have evolved and I have evolved, I know so much more than I did in the beginning. I am more humble, I actually talk less and listen more (yeah, yeah, I hear the haters now). I am more calm about many things, but I am human and flawed and I don't have the patience of the wisest of people.

Guess what? Neither do you. None of us has their act together all the time. Not one of the most famous motivational people has it all together all the time. They get pissed, they get let down and they lose their cool.

Instead of defending my snarky evolution, I am embracing it. I am even considering a companion blog called "Snarky Evolution" where I can show you my rants and you can see the process for taking icky crap and making it work for you instead of against you. You can see firsthand how something that seems like pure evil can be a learning experience. It is the law of polarity. You can't know what you want without knowing what you don't want. I can't know peace if I haven't known mayhem. I can't know health if I haven't known dysfunction.

So, if you have learned a lesson through adversity, share it with this group. Show us how you experienced rudeness and learned to be kind. How someone did the unforgivable and you found forgiveness.

Embrace the snarky . . .

Va-Jay-Jay Monologues

So, I did not think that I was going to like it at all. I thought that it would be a vulgar way of man-hating, using uber-feminism to make a point about women being oppressed and using their vaginas as their voice of womanhood. I was wrong.

Last Friday night, Red Bluff hosted The Vagina Monologues, with a local cast, including my 17-year-old daughter, Kelsey. This picture was taken by Tony Maxey, whose wife was in the monologues. Here she (Kelsey) is reclaiming the word "cunt". I watched through spread fingers over my eyes, hearing her alliterate the word and soliciting the loud laughs and applause of the audience. I was both flushed and proud at the same time.

While not all of the monologues spoke to me, they were all well done and the casting was spot on.

The thing was that I thought I was only there to support my daughter. I did not think that I needed to set my vagina free, so to speak, and I did not feel that I had been oppressed by men, marketing, or whatever. I like sex, I like me, and I like that I have a vagina, I guess.

But, something remarkable happened that reminds me that the universe works in such fascinating ways. Days before the show, I turned 40. On that day, I got a gift card to Barnes and Noble. I took my card and my 40-year-old self in and bought a new book. I was really happy because there was a new book by Immaculee Ilibagiza. I have written about her before and you can see that blog here. Immaculee has come into my life on more than one occasion when I have needed spiritual support. Today was no different. I placed her new book, Led By Faith, by my bed in anticipation of a good weekend read. I went to The Vagina Monologues, and listened to the horrible acts happening to women in the Congo. I was compelled and interested in what I could do. I mean, if a cast of local women in Red Bluff could take the time to raise awareness, I wanted to take action.

Then I came home and readied myself for the rainy weekend. I picked up Immaculee's book and there on the pages was a reference to the Congo and what was happening. I am still thinking about all of this today. Some how, some way, I can make a difference. What can you and I do to raise awareness and make a change . . .

Top Ten Reasons We Need Haters

10. Haters can keep us humble and help us see if there is room for improvement.

9. Haters give us contrast by showing us what we want, support - by giving us what we don't, flack.

8. Haters make Google ratings go up.

7. Haters remind us that no matter who you are, and what you do, there is always someone who wants to make you feel as bad as they feel.

6. Haters remind us that it takes guts to put yourself out there and that there is no gain without some hater pain.

5. Haters help us see that a life of mediocrity, is not a life worth living. Go Big or Stay Home.

3. Haters help us toughen our skin and take it on the chin.

2. Haters remind us that just because you say something bad, it doesn't mean you have credibility to do so.

1. Haters are great because they give you material for your columns and blogs.

If you can't laugh at yourself . . .

Really Interesting Stuff

OK, if you really want to see something interesting - check out this link and see a two-day banter about me and my Red Bluff Daily News column. See how what seemed to be a really bad thing actually reunited me (in a way) with someone I had disconnected from. The universe is an extraordinary place.

Check out this link.Faydra's column

My Shoes Motivate Me

I have a new pair of black, peep-toe, 4-inch heels that have motivated me to work smarter. I bought these shoes a couple of weeks ago on a trip to the city. They are shoes I could not find in Northern California, and they are beautiful. What is more, they are comfortable.
I am a shoe fanatic. I will even post a picture of my closet on the blog tomorrow to prove my point. Anyway, I have so many styles of shoes and they are all fabulous, but very few fit and feel like these do. I want all of my shoes to feel like these shoes and I want to be able to run to the city whenever I feel like it to get a pair. In order to do that, I need to bump up my income and my free time a bit. I am motivated by my shoes . . .

Rip Me Apart, I'll Use It To Grow

OK, so my partners and I had a meeting about whether or not we should allow anyone to anonymously rip our content apart and mock me and what I am trying to do with this blog. Originally, I said NO WAY. I mean, come on, why subject myself to haters who cannot spell, obviously live locally, and have some axe to grind over something trivial or inane.

BUT, the other partners said this: "We can learn from the responses we receive (good/bad), or choose to chalk it up as “you can't please ’m all.” I want to be a life-long learner and I want to not hide behind my fears of being ridiculed, so I have lifted the ban on anonymous blog-haters who want to hack at me.

I actually think it is a good thing, because it challenges me to be tough, be true to who I am, and to allow others to be who they are. Maybe, just maybe, I will inspire someone to either stop picking on others, or understand that no matter who you are, you will never be able to please everyone.

I Joined Facebook

I just signed up on Facebook and am reconnecting with long-lost friends and people who share similar interests with me. Check out the fun and maybe we can become friends too!

Really?

"faydra you are probaby the most narcisstic individual in all red bluff. Please seek help for yor borerline PD problem and quit with the ridiculous remedies to lifes problems. Where is your $200,000?". . ."get out of town sista and go back to school"

OK, so I am sitting on my couch last night watching Bromance as a courtesy to my 15-year-old daughter (bonding time), and all of a sudden I get an alert for a comment posted on the blog. See above. Really? So, I am supposed to be stunned and affected by someone who cannot spell (note: probably, your, narcissistic, and borderline, to name a few) and does not know how to capitalize or puncuate. Really? Of course, to top it off, they send the comment anonymously. Wow, impressive.

As I sat there waiting for Brody to finally pick a Bro and put me out of my teenage misery, I thought about a wonderful Youtube video by sistersalad and I laughed my butt off.

The coolest thing is that there was a time when a comment like this would have devastated me and made me want to quit. I would take the insult to heart and think, "You're right, I'm a fraud." Well, not anymore. You can't steep yourself in the biz of achievement and not have this stuff rub off. Critics are part of the deal when you put yourself out there. Some Will, Some Won't, So What, Someone's Waiting. That's what I learned early on from The Success Principles by Jack Canfield.

As for my 200K, sorry to report, I did not make that in 2008, BUT, I did increase my income and learned so many great lessons in my quest. I traveled more that year, I finished my book, In The Meantime, and saw every one of my kids' sporting and acting events. I am working smarter, not harder - and I am loving life. So if that is failure, really?

One thing my partners and I have decided though, is to no longer allow anonymous comments on our site. Team Work Makes the Dream Work, as one of my heroes Rev Run says, not people who hate their lives so much they have to hate your's too.

So, keep the comments coming and let 'em fly, but you'll have to put your money where your mouth is from now on "Sista."

I need to heed my own advice from the post below.