Faydra and Company

Is Your Coach Certified?

2010-05-20T08:03:00.001-07:00

Life Coaching is a useful, affordable way to reach your goals. Life Coaching is valuable because it gets right to the point of where you are trying to go. Different from therapy, Life Coaching is about setting goals, moving forward and identifying the blocks that come up along the way.

If you are using a life coach, make sure they are certified. Certification ensures that the coach has met the industry standards and has been appropriately trained in the field of coaching. There is a difference between a skilled coach and someone who has a lot of advice and experience.

The Faydra Projex

2010-03-04T10:51:00.000-08:00

I am teaming up with Jill Becker, Owner of Body Projex to promote the book I am writing. Follow my progress on my Snarky Evolution Blog.

Ten years ago, I lost 100 pounds in about nine months without diet pills, weight loss clubs or surgery. Ten years later, I am writing about that journey and how most of the weight I had to lose was in my head.

Follow me as I blog about the journey I take writing the book In The Meantime~ Ten Habits To Develop While You Are Losing Weight.

You can catch all my struggles and triumphs on the Sanrky Evolution Blog.

Hope Bears All Things

2010-02-02T17:09:00.000-08:00

In marketing there is a name for the answer given to someone who asks "what do you do?"it is called an elevator speech. An elevator speech tells people what you do in a concise way and quick way. When I was in the marketing phase of my certification, all the coaches were asked to create an elevator speech that highlights our specific talent. We came up with many clever speeches that showcased what our specialty is and delivered the benefits of coaching in a succinct way.

The truth is, I simply give people hope and I solve problems.

When you move from despair to hope, the world seems brighter. When you move from having no idea how to reach your goals to having a plan, the load seems lighter.

Hope bears all things. Hope is the spattering of light that cuts through the darkness of loss, hurt, anger, fear and all things negative. Hope turns the tables.

Designing a way to solve a problem is an empowering way to take back your life, your pride and your dignity.

As a coach, I encounter people who feel lost. Some think that they have no options or that life is happening to them without their consent. After they see that they have many more options than they thought, I see that moment in their eyes when hope returns. Sometimes it takes more than one session, but eventually there is what Oprah calls the Aha moment. I live for that moment.

I am a coach, I solve problems and give people hope. Pretty cool job isn't it~

Help Make A Difference In Haiti

2010-01-23T17:26:00.000-08:00

Faydra & Company Success Coaching has just broken the 100 fan mark! In our effort to give back, we will donate $1.00 to Haiti Relief for every new fan that joins our site in the next twenty four hours. Make a difference and join a site that helps you succeed in life, one goal at a time.

No More Ms. Nice Coach

2010-01-13T09:08:00.000-08:00

It's 2010 and I know that the changes in the economy, presidency, environment and humanity are sparking people to change. My column this week in the Red Bluff Daily News spells out the fact that it is time to get past sugar coating and pleading you to change and start getting you pumped up and challenged.

The dictionary is the only place where success comes before work and if you want something in life you have to take action. Coaching is an excellent way to get the support that you need.

Most think that only elite athletes have coaches, but all highly successful people have many types of coaches. Think of coaches as a tutor, a teacher, a cheerleader or a mentor. Whatever label you place on it, it is coaching.

Faydra and Company offers coaching with a twist that no other program is offering, old school one to one time. Many high end coaching companies offer you a scheduled appointment to go over your worksheets and to give you some pumping up. I have proven that by providing people support when they need it most, in the moment, they affect change easier and faster.

If you are ready to change your life contact me at lifecoach@shasta.com

Work Ethic Starts Young

2010-01-01T17:31:00.000-08:00

This is video of the Red Bluff Spartans cheerleaders at the annual Holiday Classic basketball tournament rally. These girls have practiced as a team since last July and the season culminates with this rally.

As a spectator, it is wonderful to see the time and effort come to fruition for these athletes. What is more impressive is knowing that for the seniors, this is their last harrah.

The work ethic instilled in these athletes will serve them throughout their lives. The time commitment, the toll on their muscles and their pursuit of excellence is something that they will take with them into their adulthood.

I know for my daughter, her day as a Red Bluff High student, begins at 5:30 AM where she meets her track coach at the gym to train for track. She trains year round for her field events in shot put and discuss. After her workout, she puts in a full day of academics and then two or more hours of cheer followed by at least two hours of intense basketball training. She is the only cheerleader on the track and the basketball teams.

As far back as I can remember she has had a drive to give anything she puts her mind to all that she has. It has paid off in her esteem, her opportunities and her experiences. She is well thought of and liked by her teachers, coaches and friends at school.

Work ethic starts early. It is taught in many forms. It isn't just about your GPA. It is about the overall well roundedness of a person. These girls have what it will take to make something of themselves in life. It started young and it is as strong as this performance. Spartans~Prepare for Glory!

2009-12-08T20:32:00.001-08:00

I have a great friend named Kimberly who is always looking for ways to help other people. She remembers all too well how it felt when she was a young mother trying to make the best life possible for her family when things were really tight.

A couple of weeks ago she and I were talking and she decided that this season she wanted to touch the lives of as many people as she could to make their holiday season as good as possible. She and her youngest daughter began helping people by doing random acts of kindness as often as possible. She bought someone their groceries unexpectedly at the store and she has purchased gifts off the angel trees and she has bought a lot of coffees for people behind her in the line at Starbucks.

I was inspired by her idea and have been doing the same. So far I have committed and kept the promise to put "paper" money, no coins in every single red kettle I encounter. I have passed many, I must say. I bought toys for the biker dudes who gather toys for kids; one for a boy and one for a girl. If I see an angel tree, I pick someone and buy their gift. I am at about four so far. I have tipped every single person who is tippable as I go about my day.

One day, I saw a young family in Wally World and they had a little girl about 2-and-a-half. She was flitting around the store admiring the toys, especially the big baby doll packages with all of the accessories. I moved through the isles remembering when my two daughters were little and how fun it was to get them toys that they really wanted. Nowadays their lists are very different as they live in the big-girl worlds of college and teendom. I stopped and gave the family a pretty good chunk of change and said "My little girls are all grown up. Would you help me remember the feeling of them being young by buying your little girl toys that she really wants this Christmas?" ~ Embarrassingly, I started crying before I could get away!

What can you do to pay it forward this season. Imagine if everyone who reads this decided to pick one way to make lives better. Imagine all the happiness we could spread. Please know that what you give comes back to you over and again. It is with pride that I say Kimberly is my friend and she inspires me to be a better person. Thanks for the great idea!

Taking The Big Leap

2009-10-14T14:08:00.000-07:00

It's happening. The train is rolling, it has gathered steam and it is too fast to stop it now. I am officially taking the BIG LEAP. I have done the planning, downsized, fretted, fear-faced, worried and wondered. I have meditated, mediated and all but medicated, myself through the transition. I am motivated, agitated and exhilarated all at the same time.

After years of dipping my toe in the water of taking Faydra and Company out into the open, I am doing it full-time. I am scared as hell and exuberant all at the same time. I know I am ready and I know that what I want, wants me.

What amazing times. It has been like expecting a child who is looooong over due. I want to meet this "person" that has been baking inside of me and is ready to meet the world. I want to show her off and take her on play dates and marvel at her magic.

Every day leading to this point has been important and necessary for me to become who I had to be in order to do what I have to do to live the life I was meant to live. Each and every step I have shared with you as I learned along side of you. Yes, even coaches use coaches. We especially use them because we know how valuable they are.

If you have ever thought about following your heart and realizing your dreams. I wholeheartedly encourage it. It is worth the struggle, the fear and the effort.

You can do it, I know you can and so do you. Dare to dream, but triple dog dare to live your dream.

My Jealousy, Her Triumph

2009-10-06T12:16:00.000-07:00

I am green with envy, I am a jealous monster and I love it!

I have a friend who is realizing great success right now. She is manifesting so many things in her life that I can barely keep up; but be certain that I am trying to.

Not two weeks ago she thought that things were crashing down in her life. She had some major setbacks and needed the "life coach." I did my best to prop her up just like she does for me when I am in "woe is me" mode. She made a spectacular self-preservation plan to take two weeks off from work and take care of "her."

Well, two weeks later she has gotten more than one amazing career lift - she has accepted new opportunities that are lighting her fire.

At one point we were talking on the phone and she said to me, "I knew this would come. I knew all the hard work would pay off." That sparked something in me. It sparked me into action. I have so many ideas and potential projects partially developed. I want them to happen. They will happen. I know they will happen.

I am about the work of making them happen. Each day brings opportunity. Be prepared each day for what you want to come. Operate as if this is your day. Make the plans, do the tasks, take the actions. Even if your big break does not happen today, you will barely notice for all the work you did this day.

Fill your day with promise, submerge your senses in promise. Feel your spirit rise in the warm shower and as you put on your best clothes and look great. Taste the promise in that healthy breakfast that fuels you for the day. Hear the uplifting words of a CD that resonates with your positive mood. See the promise of your dreams as you witness the beauty in this world as you make your way through the day. Touch your future in the hand that you shake as you meet someone new who could be the contact you've needed to make your dreams a reality.

My jealousy and her triumph is getting me closer to my goals.

Recession-Proof Your Attitude

2009-09-09T10:16:00.000-07:00

Did you hear the news? Everyone is talking about it...... We're in a recession.

Seems to be that talking about all things in a negative way is the flavor of the millennium. How bad the economy is, how bad gangs are, how bad the President is, how bad the housing market is.... Sometimes the negativity is maddening. Sometimes the thought that all is lost is only masked by the equally comforting thought that I can surf the net to find a way to end it all with as little pain as possible. I mean, what else is there to do, but admit defeat and end it all while I still have great gams and can leave behind a decent looking corpse.

Another option is to recession-proof your attitude. History can be a great predictor of the future and that being said, you can focus on the part of history that said you are doomed to destitution or you could focus on the lesser touted parts of history that remind us that lots of people prospered in the previous recessions and that many people became greater people having lived through tough times.

Recession-proofing your attitude means that you insulate yourself from the negativity. Did you know that you will not die if you do not watch the news, read the front page of the newspaper or listen to talk radio? Did you know that you are not required to maintain friendships with people who emotionally violate you, whether they are family or not? Did you know that you do not have to feel guilty if you are doing well in this economy and enjoy a purchase if it pleases you? I didn't think you did.

Here are some tips to recession-proof your attitude:

1. Turn off the media: You do not need to watch the news. You don't need the influence of talk radio. You are not burying your head in the sand if you refuse to listen to the biased hype. All you need to know is whether you need to evacuate due to a natural disaster. Spend your time in search of positive information about how to improve your situation.

2. Evaluate your friendships: There are a lot of good-for-nothing people out there. If you feel like you have to pretend to be something you are not or to believe something that you don't in order to remain in favor with someone. Leave them at the curb. You do not need people in your life who are high maintenance. Life is tough enough without whining negative people bringing you down.

3. Learn everything you can: Education is the key to the universe. I am talking about education in all five areas of life: emotional, spiritual, physical, relational, and financial. make it part of your daily routine to learn something new in all areas. Learning is expanding your mind and that expansion makes room for you to have all that you want to be, do and have.

4. Combat depression: All you need in life is the moment at hand. Everything you fear is in the yet undetermined future. If you succumb to all the negativity, you may become situationally depressed. Make sure that you exercise and eat well and keep your mood even.

Make new situations: As you stop the negative situations affecting you, people will begin to come into your life that excite you and open up new opportunities. Embrace these people and experiences and before you know it you will be one of those people who profited from the recession.

What's Driving You?

2009-08-25T12:36:00.000-07:00

Have you ever experienced unpleasant emotions at inappropriate times? Have you cried in the middle of a bank transaction or gotten angry ordering a Whopper?

When people are overwhelmed, they often times experience emotions that do not fit with the situation. The key to understanding why you are having incongruent moments and reactions is to look at what is driving you.

1. Are you hungry? When people do not take in the right types and amounts of foods, they may experience lags of energy, anger or other negative side effects. Make sure that you are taking in plenty of nutritious foods that are vitamin packed and include protein. Follow up with plenty of water to keep hydrated.

2. Are you tired? Sleep deprivation is a major cause of many negative situations. Car accidents, explosive anger, inability to cope with stress and onset of illness are all caused from deprivation. Make certain to plan at least 7-8 hours of sleep into your normal routine. Learn to power nap and make rest a priority. It is true that you can not be there for others if you do not care for yourself.

3. Do you have unresolved issues? If you are ignoring issues in your life and shoving them aside into your subconscious, you are setting yourself up for surprise emotional attacks. Face your issues and address anything happening in your life so you are free from emotional flare ups.

4. Are you excited? What do you have in life that excites you? What do you look forward to? People who have a hobby or passion are far happier than those who work, go home, fight with the wife, watch tv and go to bed.

5. Do you know who you are? People who have higher esteem and truly know and like themselves are less likely to repress issues that can haunt them. Take time to always expand your self awareness about who you are and how fabulous you are and you will be less likely to experience negative reactions to people and situations. You will be better equipped to let things roll off your back instead of get under your skin.

In Your Weakest Moments, You Build Character and Strength

2009-08-10T13:14:00.000-07:00

When you are at your weakest, you have the best opportunity to build strength. When all hope seems lost, you have the best opportunity to make change. When it seems like things are going nowhere, you have the best opportunity to create a new path.

I am sure that if you reflect on your past you will remember times when you thought that you were weak and found that you were strong. Did you survive a divorce, death, financial crisis or employment crisis. Didn't you find out that you were made of much more than you thought?

I remember a quote that goes something like this. The hotter the water, the stronger the tea. The same is true for you and I. We find that when the going gets genuinely tough, we somehow manage to put on our big person britches and get things done. We become stronger in the face of adversity and change.

I spent a lot of time beating myself up about weakness. I have always been anti-victim. I have always applauded strength. It is as if weakness is seen as, well, weak, and I do not like that adjective associated with me.

It takes a lot of fire to melt metal. It takes a lot of mettle to start a fire. You are stronger than you know. It is the heat that forges your strength. Be strong.

Off To The Market

2009-07-08T07:13:00.001-07:00

Come and meet the Faydra and Company team at the Wednesday night market in front of the Red Bluff courthouse.

Get your copy of our first CD for a reduced price, just 10.00!

Come meet me and the dream team: Rhonda, Diane and "Supa J" Justin.

See you there!

Mastermind Groups

2009-06-16T15:40:00.001-07:00

Mastermind groups are a great way to be, do and have anything that you want. I have started my own group on my Facebook page.

What is masterminding? It is the art of bringing talented people together to strategize achievement of goals. It is the ultimate in networking, accountability and motivation all rolled together. You do not need a common goal as a group. You only need your desire and the willingness to listen.

Mastermind groups should be configured with at least 5 people, or more. Ideally, these people should be motivated in their own right and should have a natural desire to help themselves and others. It does no good to join a mastermind group if you truly do not want to be, do or have something better in your life.

Once you have your group, you need to craft some goals. I have asked my team to come up with three goals each. They need to be specific enough that you can make an action plan for them. My goals read like this:

1. I want to change my employment;

2. I want to launch a national radio show with Kimberly Archie;

3. I want to launch Faydra and Company nationally.

Once I have my goals, I will develop action plans for each one, or for one at a time. Either way works fine.

Next the group will begin to mastermind one person's goals and action steps per day, per meeting, or however works best for the group. For the Facebook crew, we will tackle one person's goals at a time throughout the day. The person who is the focus (known as the person of focus or POF) will let the group know which goal they are working. The group will give suggestions, make recommendations and use their connections to assist the person who is the focus. The POF will give regular updates that day about what steps they are taking, how the others are helping, and report out as to their success.

If your group is meeting in person, do the same model ~ focus on one POF a meeting and use technology to stay in touch with all the support and follow up. Rotate the POF each time you meet and you will be checking off goals like magic. It may take a few rotations for you to get where you want to go, but all that support is contagious, infectious and exhilarating.

Good Luck!!!

Problems? Get Busy . . .

2009-05-29T08:59:00.000-07:00

We all have situations in our lives that hit us upside the head and knock us flat. When this happens, we have lots of inclinations. Don't let hiding and shrinking from life be one of them. Get busy like a busy bee.

When you face a tough struggle, learn to compartmentalize the issue into the rest of your life. Sure, you need to pay attention to the "issue" or it will fester and become a bigger problem, but you also need to do the laundry, pay the bills, and make some dinner. You need to run your company, be a leader and turn a profit.

Structure your issue into your day. Schedule time to think about the issue and take action if you can and then set it aside. Give equal time to things that are good and working so it is all in harmony.

It's The Climb

2009-05-05T15:43:00.000-07:00

Who knew a grown woman would be a Miley Cyrus fan? I am the biggest fan of her new song, The Climb. It is my current inspiration when I am motivating myself to what I want to be, do and have. It is my ringtone on my cell and I have listened to the video at least once today. Out of the mouth of a sweet 16, comes the words I need to persevere.

"Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose" she sings. That's the truth. Sometimes it isn't going to go your way. Sometimes it feels like what you want is so out of reach and your "faith gets shaken". People shake you, situations shake you, unforeseen circumstances shake you. It's OK to get knocked down.

Kimberly Archie, founder of the National Cheer Safety Foundation and a girlfriend of mine, told me that "it's called the fire and your true self gets stronger when it's hot and very good things always happens right after that. So watch out for good things ahead!" What great advice.

I hope you enjoy this video and remember, it's the climb . . .

New Column Today

2009-04-15T10:57:00.000-07:00

Make sure to see if you are a liar in the Red Bluff Daily News

Proud FOR Her Not OF Her

2009-04-13T10:45:00.000-07:00

Last weekend I had a great time watching my daughter at a track meet. I wrote about her success in track and field in my column last week. I hadn't had the opportunity to see her in shot put action. I was so thrilled to stand there with her coach and listen to him tell me how coachable she is, how she has so much ahead of her and how he is excited to work with her.

Of course I was proud OF her as her mother, but I was more proud FOR her. She is the one who does the work. She is the one who has the commitment, determination, ability, and drive. She has it in all aspects of her life. I may have shown her opportunities, given her insight, and led her by example, but she had to walk this walk. She had to decide that it was worth it and that she was worth it.

It is so exciting to see her come alive with being excited about the future. It is as if she knows that all things are possible and that there is nothing she can't achieve. I want to awaken this feeling in every single person I ever meet. This is my life's work and I see the result in my very own daughter.

Saturn L200

2009-03-31T16:25:00.000-07:00

If you read my column on Wednesday, you'll see that I learned a lesson over the weekend. I learned that people evolve and change and mature.

We gave our daughter a budget to find a new car - one that will take her into early adulthood and off to college. She found one that had all of the features that she wanted. I never would have picked this car for her, assuming it would look to "old" for her. I even asked her more than once before the deal was done if she was sure this was the car she wanted. She said that she LOVES her car.

I was taught that we never really know people. We never really can predict what they will say, do, or be. It is a good lesson to allow people to be who they want without our assumptions. It makes us listen to them, wait to see what they do, and not make judgments.

One step closer to reality tv . . .

2009-03-23T09:54:00.000-07:00

Remember my post to Scott Manville about my reality TV show idea? Here's what he has to say.

Scott Manville said...
Hi Faydra-
You're not stuck at all, you're now ready to get out there and find the right company for your project. It comes down to this- If you're not willing to expose your project, you'll never sell it. All you can do is take measures to minimize risk, such as archiving it at http://www.creatorsvault.com and keep all records of exposure, such as the project status reports at the TV Writers Vault ( http://www.tvwritersvault.com ) and Screen Writers Vault ( http://www.screenwritersvault.com ). Never dump the project on companies that haven't accepted your request for submission, and keep records of all emails, faxes, and mailings. You should also assume that others are already developing the same or similar concepts, and you need to start the fight to get it to the mountain top first.

March 12, 2009 2:55 PM

See What It's All About

2009-03-17T13:43:00.001-07:00

I just signed up on Facebook and am reconnecting with long-lost friends and people who share similar interests with me. Check out the fun and maybe we can become friends too!

They're Geeks and They Like to Party

2009-03-16T12:13:00.000-07:00

My daughter has always called herself a "geek" when she and these boys were little. I used to call them the "Keg of Milk Crew". I could not believe how great this video was and I am really proud of how well these kids are turning out as the ready themselves to graduate from high school.

I love the reference to Dungeons and Dragons, as she is the proud owner of new "dungeon dice", as I call them, that her step-daddy-to-be bought her.

Great job boys!!!!

Will My Reality be a Reality?

2009-03-11T09:42:00.000-07:00

I blogged to you about a reality TV show I created and registered. Then I hit a brick wall. I did not know where to go from there. I wanted to find out how to get in front of someone who could hear about my idea and help me sell it. But how?

So, it has sat there and I have waited.

Today on my way to work, I was meditating and thinking about all that I have in life and all that I want to accomplish, including seeing this show on TV! When I opened my e-mail, I found this link to a new blog by Scott Manville. His blog is designed for people just like me trying to do what I am trying to do!

So, I am pretty excited and hope that this is the break that I and my reality show have been looking for. I'll keep you posted.

Something to Consider ~

2009-03-10T12:59:00.000-07:00

Teach your kids
Teach yourself
Teach your employees and co-workers
Teach the world

Nothing worth having comes easily . . .

We've Been Published!

2009-03-02T11:16:00.000-08:00

We're excited. We are contributing writers to Scott "Q" Marcus' great new magazine Two Words.

This motivating magazine is filled with inspiration and stories about how two words can change everything. Get your copy now!

Want To Get Snarky With Me?

2009-02-26T13:49:00.000-08:00

It's up and running, the Snarky blog......

My Snarky Evolution

2009-02-24T12:20:00.000-08:00

I am at a crossroads in my literary life. I have been doing this blog since 2007 and the All About Divorce blog since 2008. Both blogs are dedicated to awakening in you your true potential and helping you heal and become whomever you want to be.

I know that it is possible to evolve, because I have and continue to evolve every day. I grow through the trials and experiences that I have, and through observing the happenings of others. Together, with my partners, I sift through the muck and find the "something" that makes it worthwhile and makes the growth meaningful.

I do not sit in a light-filled room channeling higher powers who compel me to write to you or to craft my column. In fact, I face a lot of criticism by people, and you know who you are, because you read my stuff, even though you say I am a fraud. I also embrace a lot of positive support. I write for myself, for the haters, and for the fanimals (as I lovingly call you).

These last weeks, I have felt torn about who I really am. The truth is this: I am fairly snarky (snarky and sparkle are my two most favorite words) person, and I have a pretty good way with sarcasm, wordsmithing, and looking within myself. As a multitude of emails to Diane can attest to, my realizations of all that I know about success come from endless reading, my vigilant search to "know better", and all the crap I have faced in this lifetime.

I have written pages that would spread for miles and miles that were filled with snarky commentary about what was happening in my life that totally sucked, was unfair, or just plain pissed me off. I have had really crappy things go on and, at the time, my release was to vent, search for meaning and find a way to make it better or go away.

My snarky evolution has always been the same. Event + snarky processing + searching for better = growth.

Those who know me well and those who think they know me have both seen the same thing. Something in my life in my small town causes me discomfort. I process my feelings by whatever means I do; sometimes verbal, sometimes written, then something amazing usually happens to me. I figure it out. Maybe not all at once and maybe not as fast as I and others would like, but the overall trend is upward.

Sometimes I figure stuff out without something bad happening. BONUS!!!!! Sometimes I don't need the snark.

So, as things have evolved and I have evolved, I know so much more than I did in the beginning. I am more humble, I actually talk less and listen more (yeah, yeah, I hear the haters now). I am more calm about many things, but I am human and flawed and I don't have the patience of the wisest of people.

Guess what? Neither do you. None of us has their act together all the time. Not one of the most famous motivational people has it all together all the time. They get pissed, they get let down and they lose their cool.

Instead of defending my snarky evolution, I am embracing it. I am even considering a companion blog called "Snarky Evolution" where I can show you my rants and you can see the process for taking icky crap and making it work for you instead of against you. You can see firsthand how something that seems like pure evil can be a learning experience. It is the law of polarity. You can't know what you want without knowing what you don't want. I can't know peace if I haven't known mayhem. I can't know health if I haven't known dysfunction.

So, if you have learned a lesson through adversity, share it with this group. Show us how you experienced rudeness and learned to be kind. How someone did the unforgivable and you found forgiveness.

Embrace the snarky . . .

Va-Jay-Jay Monologues

2009-02-23T10:00:00.001-08:00

So, I did not think that I was going to like it at all. I thought that it would be a vulgar way of man-hating, using uber-feminism to make a point about women being oppressed and using their vaginas as their voice of womanhood. I was wrong.

Last Friday night, Red Bluff hosted The Vagina Monologues, with a local cast, including my 17-year-old daughter, Kelsey. This picture was taken by Tony Maxey, whose wife was in the monologues. Here she (Kelsey) is reclaiming the word "cunt". I watched through spread fingers over my eyes, hearing her alliterate the word and soliciting the loud laughs and applause of the audience. I was both flushed and proud at the same time.

While not all of the monologues spoke to me, they were all well done and the casting was spot on.

The thing was that I thought I was only there to support my daughter. I did not think that I needed to set my vagina free, so to speak, and I did not feel that I had been oppressed by men, marketing, or whatever. I like sex, I like me, and I like that I have a vagina, I guess.

But, something remarkable happened that reminds me that the universe works in such fascinating ways. Days before the show, I turned 40. On that day, I got a gift card to Barnes and Noble. I took my card and my 40-year-old self in and bought a new book. I was really happy because there was a new book by Immaculee Ilibagiza. I have written about her before and you can see that blog here. Immaculee has come into my life on more than one occasion when I have needed spiritual support. Today was no different. I placed her new book, Led By Faith, by my bed in anticipation of a good weekend read. I went to The Vagina Monologues, and listened to the horrible acts happening to women in the Congo. I was compelled and interested in what I could do. I mean, if a cast of local women in Red Bluff could take the time to raise awareness, I wanted to take action.

Then I came home and readied myself for the rainy weekend. I picked up Immaculee's book and there on the pages was a reference to the Congo and what was happening. I am still thinking about all of this today. Some how, some way, I can make a difference. What can you and I do to raise awareness and make a change . . .

Top Ten Reasons We Need Haters

2009-02-17T10:32:00.000-08:00

10. Haters can keep us humble and help us see if there is room for improvement.

9. Haters give us contrast by showing us what we want, support - by giving us what we don't, flack.

8. Haters make Google ratings go up.

7. Haters remind us that no matter who you are, and what you do, there is always someone who wants to make you feel as bad as they feel.

6. Haters remind us that it takes guts to put yourself out there and that there is no gain without some hater pain.

5. Haters help us see that a life of mediocrity, is not a life worth living. Go Big or Stay Home.

3. Haters help us toughen our skin and take it on the chin.

2. Haters remind us that just because you say something bad, it doesn't mean you have credibility to do so.

1. Haters are great because they give you material for your columns and blogs.

If you can't laugh at yourself . . .

Really Interesting Stuff

2009-02-06T18:55:00.000-08:00

OK, if you really want to see something interesting - check out this link and see a two-day banter about me and my Red Bluff Daily News column. See how what seemed to be a really bad thing actually reunited me (in a way) with someone I had disconnected from. The universe is an extraordinary place.

Check out this link.Faydra's column

My Shoes Motivate Me

2009-02-05T11:34:00.000-08:00

I have a new pair of black, peep-toe, 4-inch heels that have motivated me to work smarter. I bought these shoes a couple of weeks ago on a trip to the city. They are shoes I could not find in Northern California, and they are beautiful. What is more, they are comfortable.
I am a shoe fanatic. I will even post a picture of my closet on the blog tomorrow to prove my point. Anyway, I have so many styles of shoes and they are all fabulous, but very few fit and feel like these do. I want all of my shoes to feel like these shoes and I want to be able to run to the city whenever I feel like it to get a pair. In order to do that, I need to bump up my income and my free time a bit. I am motivated by my shoes . . .

Rip Me Apart, I'll Use It To Grow

2009-02-04T09:18:00.000-08:00

OK, so my partners and I had a meeting about whether or not we should allow anyone to anonymously rip our content apart and mock me and what I am trying to do with this blog. Originally, I said NO WAY. I mean, come on, why subject myself to haters who cannot spell, obviously live locally, and have some axe to grind over something trivial or inane.

BUT, the other partners said this: "We can learn from the responses we receive (good/bad), or choose to chalk it up as “you can't please ’m all.” I want to be a life-long learner and I want to not hide behind my fears of being ridiculed, so I have lifted the ban on anonymous blog-haters who want to hack at me.

I actually think it is a good thing, because it challenges me to be tough, be true to who I am, and to allow others to be who they are. Maybe, just maybe, I will inspire someone to either stop picking on others, or understand that no matter who you are, you will never be able to please everyone.

I Joined Facebook

2009-02-04T08:53:00.000-08:00

I just signed up on Facebook and am reconnecting with long-lost friends and people who share similar interests with me. Check out the fun and maybe we can become friends too!

Really?

2009-02-03T10:24:00.000-08:00

"faydra you are probaby the most narcisstic individual in all red bluff. Please seek help for yor borerline PD problem and quit with the ridiculous remedies to lifes problems. Where is your $200,000?". . ."get out of town sista and go back to school"

OK, so I am sitting on my couch last night watching Bromance as a courtesy to my 15-year-old daughter (bonding time), and all of a sudden I get an alert for a comment posted on the blog. See above. Really? So, I am supposed to be stunned and affected by someone who cannot spell (note: probably, your, narcissistic, and borderline, to name a few) and does not know how to capitalize or puncuate. Really? Of course, to top it off, they send the comment anonymously. Wow, impressive.

As I sat there waiting for Brody to finally pick a Bro and put me out of my teenage misery, I thought about a wonderful Youtube video by sistersalad and I laughed my butt off.

The coolest thing is that there was a time when a comment like this would have devastated me and made me want to quit. I would take the insult to heart and think, "You're right, I'm a fraud." Well, not anymore. You can't steep yourself in the biz of achievement and not have this stuff rub off. Critics are part of the deal when you put yourself out there. Some Will, Some Won't, So What, Someone's Waiting. That's what I learned early on from The Success Principles by Jack Canfield.

As for my 200K, sorry to report, I did not make that in 2008, BUT, I did increase my income and learned so many great lessons in my quest. I traveled more that year, I finished my book, In The Meantime, and saw every one of my kids' sporting and acting events. I am working smarter, not harder - and I am loving life. So if that is failure, really?

One thing my partners and I have decided though, is to no longer allow anonymous comments on our site. Team Work Makes the Dream Work, as one of my heroes Rev Run says, not people who hate their lives so much they have to hate your's too.

So, keep the comments coming and let 'em fly, but you'll have to put your money where your mouth is from now on "Sista."

I need to heed my own advice from the post below.

You're Right, So What

2009-01-28T09:56:00.000-08:00

I have a thing about what is "right." I feel like I spend an inordinate amount of time learning, growing, taking things in, and becoming a better person. The cool thing is that along the way I have improved relationships that I already have, and have made new relationships with got-it-goin' on people. Unfortunately, one unpleasant fact remains. Not everyone is evolving. Not everyone is on board the sanity train. Some people are on the crazy train and not everyone plays fair.

You can be the most enlightened creature on the planet and be thought a fool. You can be right, and it just doesn't mean anything. Not all crazy people live in institutions. Not all people with "stuff" wear a sign warning you to limit your contact with them.

So, what to do? Develop your ability to allow others to be as crazy, stupid, selfish, or whatever, and do not give it an ounce of energy. Do not get on the crazy train, the view from the sane train is prettier and the destination is better.

Recently, I found myself defending my sanity over and again against people whose logic is so flawed. I started to distrust my own reality. I NEEDED to be validated that I was sane and in essence "right." I hated that people were taking advantage, being rude, and messing with me(this is all my personal "stuff"). I wanted those people to be in trouble, or to have consequences for shaking my tree. Boo hoo, it was never going to happen. I was allowing their craziness to victimize me. But, I was victimizing myself. I was allowing myself to respond to their stuff when they pushed my buttons.

What I have learned is that I can be right and it won't make a damn bit of difference to someone else. I can be backed up by a jury of my peers and no one will enforce my rightness. Instead of feeling robbed and defeated, I am going to feel proud that I have integrity and remember that what you put out always comes back to you, just not always from the same source you gave it to.

Un-Comfort Your Food

2008-12-30T16:02:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!
OK, lately I and one of my business partners have been feeling the crunch of too much on our metaphorical plate. The result has been putting too much on our dinner plate.

I was walking today and I had a revelation about food and how it leads to our growing waistline and shrinking esteem.

What I realized is that as we lose our ability to care for ourselves in meaningful ways, we begin to pick up that slack with food. In other words, when we find that we have no "me" time, we begin to take care of ourselves in the most rudimentary ways possible. Usually this is with poor food choices.

Face it, when all the planets are aligned and the time gods are in our favor, we take better care of ourselves. We exercise, we pamper, we primp, we bathe longer and sleep more. Because we meet our needs in these ways, we have the ability to cope and to make better choices.

When we are maxed out in time or credit cards, or both, we begin to shrink. We begin to stop allowing the time necessary for us to take the best care of ourselves. So, one way or another, the ego wants what it wants and if you are not going to feed it with experiences, then it wants you to feed it with food.

Have you noticed that when you are super maxed out, you make the worst food choices. It is because subconsciously you realize that the next thing you put into your mouth can feel like love or rejection. The texture, the warmth, the taste can take you away for a moment in time and it feels worth it at the time. It feels "lovely." It may be impossible in your mind to exercise if it is dark at 5 PM - "deprived" - BUT, you can grab a Twix really easily and the immediate sugar rush makes you feel energized. It may be impossible in your mind to afford what you used to have and do - "deprivation" - BUT, thanks to the dollar menu, you can have a yummy cheeseburger pretty easily.

When I realized that I was loving myself with food, I realized that I really need to love myself better. So I and my partner are making some changes. Small ones that will not make us feel rejected by ourselves, and we are trying to reclaim our "me" time to offset the reasons that we want Ben and Jerry so much . . .

One step at a time.

Lessons for Life

2008-12-16T14:54:00.000-08:00

Written by a newspaper columnist in MN

To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolls over to 70 in August, so here goes:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry
13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But, the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take "no" for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special. 22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness, except you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone for everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of whom God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative--dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up . . .
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

Did Ya Miss Me?

2008-12-11T10:31:00.000-08:00

I cannot believe how long it has been since I have posted! I am so sorry. I have learned a lot about the price you pay for over extending yourself. I took on too many things and my life became stretched so thin, that I began to lose myself.

It didn't happen quickly, it took time, like a slow leak of a water faucet. As my time was more and more filled, slowly things started to become more and more challenging. I couldn't get the laundry done, I couldn't get to the store.

Since I prioritized my time, my allegiance went to the activities that brought income into my life, so I put all of my time and energy into my work. This left little to no time for blogging, or cleaning, or smelling the roses.

At first, the income was great. I paid off debt and had a few more dinners out. Then, the stress of going home to a dirty house started to take its tole on my relationships. The stress of not fulfilling personally rewarding things began to take its tole on me.

I stopped blogging, exercising, making home-cooked meals nightly, cleaning my shower or my garage and my closet. Oh, you can't even imagine.

Last month, I took it all back into my control. I have learned that there is a line between doing all that you can, and being all that you can. Many of us think that we work too hard, but we don't. We mismanage time and we waste time. Sometimes we are plain avoidant and lazy and tell ourselves we are too busy. I always prided myself on being honest about how I spent my time and working smart and not hard. It is possible that you can spread yourself too thin.

Remember, life is about harmony. You need to find a way to manage aspects of your financial, emotional, spiritual, physical and relational life.

My plan is to do one thing per day with consistency that will help me address all five pillars:

1. Financial: Check my bank posts online daily to avoid "surprises."
2. Emotional: Wake each morning and think about what I am grateful for and how I want my day to go.
3. Spiritual: Meditate at least once per day.
4. Physical: 30 minutes of exercise daily at a minimum.
5. Relational: Every day connect with my kids and fiances to make sure there is one-to-one time.

That is my plan. What is yours? Let this blog know how you keep from spreading yourself too thin. Your posts are most welcome!

It's a Turning-40 Thing

2008-10-07T15:49:00.001-07:00

It must be a turning-40 thing (this February), but I am annoyed by the gossip mongering of the world. I received an email from my best girlfriend who was telling me about people coming to her with questions about me and gossip about me. Here is the response I sent her when she was asking me what to tell people who are asking her questions about me:

HI
You are the only one besides my grandma who can say the things you say. I may get defensive or uptight now and again, but that is how it is with family, right?
I would tell people this when they ask about me: "Faydra says to tell you that she realizes that people may think that her life is interesting enough to talk about because she is an interesting person who has had a lot of interesting experiences. She realizes that living in a small town, people are going to pry, ask inappropriate questions and basically stick their noses where they don't belong. So, since you ask, she said to tell you that she is very happy, has a very supportive ex-husband (and you can guess which one it is) who wishes her well, as she does for him. She is madly in love with a new man, who, like her, has a healthy, caring relationship with his ex, and together they all make their lives work in harmony.
Though you may want to judge her for this or that, she says to tell you that she understands, as she has often inappropriately judged others and regrets it, as it only keeps her from the places in life she wants to be. She said to let you know that while it is both flattering and annoying that you take up MY time asking me to gossip about my best friend (as if I would be anything but supportive), she said to remind you that I am the only one who has the privilege of knowing her secret thoughts, fears and inadequacies and, under the guidelines of best friend law, I am unable to share them with you.
Finally she said to let you know that, while you act as though you are only interested for the most humble and non-threatening reasons in her life, she wants you to know that she would be glad to answer any of your questions personally should you have the mettle to ask her."

So, such is the life of a small town columnist who has to face the opinions of others. I truly do not mind. The small amount of flack that I must face from people who do not support me is infintescimile compared to the support I receive. Some will, some won't, so what . . .

Give Your Intention Your Attention

2008-09-30T11:20:00.000-07:00

In order for you to get what you want, you need to be clear about what it is that you want. You need to be vivid and know the detail of what you want. Do you want a new car? What make, model and features do you want it to have. What is the price, what are the specs about the car. The more clear you are about what you want, the more easily it will come. The clarity will give you more focus about what you want. The "what" and then the "how" will start to present itself to you. Give your intention to the new car, your attention to detail and thoughts, and you will start to see all kinds of things popping in front of you. Ideas, signs and seemingly magical connections to what you want to be, do, and have will present themselves.

Long Time No Blog

2008-09-23T11:05:00.000-07:00

Let me say it straight out - there is no excuse for not blogging. There are reasons, but not excuses. I guess the first reason is that I am officially overwhelmed with commitments and need to look at either whittling them down or streamlining. I'll let you know which one works the best. The other is that I am happily back in the dating scene and really happy with the man that I am with. So, it looks like the love bug may play a part in it too, as the Jonas Brothers would say.

The truth is that it feels wonderfully overwhelming and excitingly scary to be "being, doing, and having" so much on my plate. What I need more than anything is an assistant and a wife. I am putting the finishing touches on Faydra and Company's new book, so far titled, In The Meantime, 10 habits to develop while success is on its way. That, in and of itself, is really exciting.

I have begun teaching Student Success at Shasta College, which is a fun and challenging experience all its own. Since my oldest daughter will turn 18 this year and it would seem still feels that I know very little about the real world, I find it interesting that I have submersed myself in a class with mostly 18-19-year-olds who may feel pretty much the same thing.

More class updates to follow...

The truth of the matter is that things are moving along pretty well, considering. My oldest just got the part of Ouyser (pronounced Wheezer) in the play Steel Magnolias at Red Bluff High School. My youngest is enjoying the fun of being a football cheerleader at the school as well. Fall is in the air, and I am about to celebrate the one-year anniversary of my column in the Red Bluff Daily News.

To commemorate this anniversary, I am recording a CD with all of the columns for the year, with commentary about the stories behind the columns. I am also self-publishing a book of the first year of columns, so you can share the positive messages of Faydra and Company with your friends and keep a copy for yourself.

More on this later, too...

Thanks for the support!

2008-08-25T10:08:00.000-07:00

Here's a supportive comment on trying to grow out my hair.
Faydra,
I think growing your hair out is one of the hardest things to do, but remember that you are probably your own worst critic. I have long hair and routinely consider chopping it all off, but never have the courage to. I think also that people are too quick to judge and need to stop being so hard on others. It would be nice if women could be friends and no competitors constantly.

I am actually having very mixed feelings about the whole hair thing. I am excited for the change and hope that it looks as good to me as it does in my mind's eye. Otherwise, this time has been for nothing. The motivational speaker in me feels compelled to say that the process of growing it out and facing the uncomfortable feelings of insecurity are a great way to face your fears and inadequacies in life. Let me tell you, that is hooey for me. Let's get some extensions and get it on with it.

The truth is that is makes me feel like an imposter. Like I am not me. What is the lesson...... Hhhmmm, well it could be that we are not who we look like. A blind person would have no opinion about my hair. It could be that we are all shallow and need to not focus on appearances to support our worth. OK, I'm shallow.

The truth is I think my lesson is to be patient. That has been the theme in my life for the last few months. I am learning that immediate gratification is not always my option. I have many teachers giving me this lesson lately. Actually I am being beaten over the head with the patience stick. I wish I could hurry up and learn this lesson :)

Follow The List

2008-08-18T09:39:00.000-07:00

I bet all of you get chain e-mail. I know I sure do. When you are in the human potential business, you are surrounded by positive things. I received this one today. I don't know who to give the credit to for writing it, but they know what they are talking about. If you follow this list, you can't go wrong.

1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Buy a lock if you have to.

3. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement,
"My purpose is to __________ today."

4. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants, and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.

5. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli, almonds & walnuts.

6. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

7. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts, or things you cannot control. Instead, invest your energy in the positive present moment.

8. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.

9. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

10. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

11. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

12. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

13. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

14. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what
their journey is all about.

15. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

16. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"

17. Forgive everyone for everything.

18. What other people think of you is none of your business.

19. GOD heals everything.

20. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

21. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will.
Stay in touch!!!

22. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

23. Each night before you go to bed complete the following
Statements: "I am thankful for today. I accomplished _________."

24. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

What Is Your State of Being?

2008-08-13T10:35:00.000-07:00

My business partner and editor is also a great friend. She said the most remarkable thing the other day that I have to share. I was lamenting about some issue I can't even recall and she said to me, "That is your state of mind, not your state of being." How philosophical. What I took from her was that she knows me quite well. The good, the bad and the ugly, and while she was willing to listen to me vent, she knew it was only a momentay state of mind and not in alignment with who I really am.

So, if you are in my inner circle (I guess you are now), you know that I am a follower of the teachings of Abraham Hicks. Some of you may not be ready for the fabulous message that Abraham teaches through Esther Hicks, and that is OK. The method that this information comes from is unorthodox and may seem too "out there" for some. I don't think I would have been able to grasp the concept of Abraham all that long ago either. None the less, this information has transformed my life.

So, back to my state of being - my partner was right. My state of mind was out of sync with my state of being. My state of being is positive, motivating and all things good. My state of mind, that day, was not.

Don't let a bad day become your reality. Do what you have to do to get through the day. Cry, laugh, go to the spa, call a friend, or work out. Use the success tools you have to turn your state of mind back into your state of being.

Patience, My Dear

2008-07-29T14:14:00.000-07:00

I am not great at waiting. I like things fast. Fast service, fast cars, fast internet - it's all good to me. I have never been good at the hurry up and wait game. I see what I want and I go for it. It's a good thing I don't make wine or cheese, because the aging process would be a killer.

I am learning the art of patience. I am learning that not all things come to those who hurry. Here are some tips I am using to help me slow it down . . .

1. Breathe~ the act of taking slow, deep breaths will help you calm yourself. Try to take at least two time outs per day to close your eyes and feel your breath - in and out, in and out . . .

2. Think~ analyze what you want and why you want it. Some things should be fast: getting gas - fast; bank lines - fast. Some things should be slow: kisses and falling in love come to mind. Do not allow yourself to pigeon hole an experience as needing to be fast. If something could impact the rest of your life, or at least a significant portion of your time, take it slow.

3. Keep up the good work~ do what you already do and do it well. If you spend your time taking care of all that you need to be doing, you will not have the time to worry why things are not moving along. If you have submitted your book proposal and the ball is in the publishers court, go exercise, hang out with friends and live your life. Don't wait by the phone or computer hoping you get that call.(really, you should buy a Balckberry and sync your email and home phone, and you wouldn't have to worry about missing anything).

4. Don't be foolish~ being impatient can make you look foolish, especially to calm people. Do not run the risk of being seen as unstable. Not everyone can embrace your passion. Not everyone gets that it IS hard waiting for the next Harry Potter sequel.

5. What you want wants you~ impatience can come from the underlying worry that what you want isn't coming. It isn't so. What you want wants you. That is not to say that it will be in the exact package you asked for it to be in, but it is coming. Patience gives you the wherewithall to ride the wave and take in the journey.

It's not all about the destination. The ride is part of the fun. Slow down, smell the roses, or the coffee, whichever you need more. In time, what you want and what you need will be here.

How I Relieved That Anxiety

2008-07-25T07:25:00.000-07:00

So, yesterday I was pretty anxious. As a matter of fact, my blog post made one of my business partners call me and ask if I was alright. I am. I followed my own advice - I excercised, I rested, and I asked myself a series of questions to better understand where I was coming from - things like:
What is it about this situation that makes you anxious?
Why do you suppose the situation seems difficult?
What outcome would you like to see from this situation?
What do you need to make this outcome favorable?
Next, I took steps to advance toward the favorable outcome. I did what I could, and let go of what I couldn't.
I made myself a nice, healthy dinner: salad and veggie pasta, watched America's Best Dance Crewand chillaxed (as my youngest would say)for the evening. It made a difference.
I got up this morning and did my Biggest Loser workout and now I am updating my Faydra and Company and All about Divorce blogs. Just like the daily quote said, today is a new day. It feels good to take action.

Don't Let Anxiety Get In Your Way

2008-07-24T10:30:00.000-07:00

I am feeling anxious today. I am sitting here thinking to myself that there is no good reason for my anxiety, and that I need to let it go. I am typically not an anxious person, so when it comes my way, it is tough. So, I am thinking about what I can do to alleviate my anxiety and remain productive.
1. Get some rest. I have not been sleeping enough and I need to recognize that fatigue can magnify stress and reduce your ability to cope, so a nap is in order, or going to bed early.
2. Get moving. Even if you are tired and think you have no energy, you need to move your body. It sounds crazy, but revving up your engine will actually give you a burst of energy.
3. H2O. Drinking lots of water will help keep you hydrated and clear out any toxins that may be contributing to your anxiety.
4. Do something fun and distracting. If you're worried and don't know why, do something to get your mind off of things. A nice spa pedicure sounds very good right now.
5. Do something specific. If you are stressed about some "thing", do something about it. Make a call, take a step, don't run and hide from the situation.
6. Be objective. Look at your anxiety objectively. Are you making mountains out of mole hills? Are you elaborating stories in your head that are not true or logical?
Stop the negativity train before she rolls.
7. Go within. Ask your higher self to show you the reality of the situation, or at the least to give you relief from the feelings.
8. Make sure to eat (THE RIGHT AMOUNT). Do not over eat or under eat. Stress either makes you grab a cookie, or chokes off the desire to munch. Eat regular healthy meals to keep up your energy, maintain healthy body functions and stimulate your mind.
9. Go get a hug. Hugging releases the chemicals in your body responsible for feeling good. A nice long hug from someone you love, or petting an animal can release these chemicals reducing your anxiety.
10. Journal. Use this time to get out what you are thinking. Feeling anxious is spirit's way of telling you that you are off track. Writing can help you identify what you are feeling by writing what you are thinking. Over time, if anxiety is a pattern, you can look back on your journal and look for commonalities in your mood and that can help you cope.
The point is to not let anxiety get the better of you. Listen to what your body and mind are telling you, and take action steps to make a difference. I think I am off to the spa :)

Growing "Out" Is So Hard To Do

2008-07-16T20:13:00.000-07:00

OK, so I am going to be the big "Four 0" in February. I am not excited, but I am determined to be the best that I can be when the time comes. I am embracing some of the changes I am seeing, and fighting others all the way. I want to start the big "Four 0" off with something different, and one of those changes is my hair.

I have had short hair for the last 10 years. I actually like it very much, but I think that I would like to "try" on a new style. So, I have been letting my hair grow. That is very hard.

I hate this in-between stage where I don't like the way my hair looks. I feel like I am a walking imposter. My hair makes the silent statement "look at me", but it is not the me that I am.

The me that I am in my mind has mid-length hair that has a trendy shape and gets nice comments from people. The me that the world is seeing is in an awkward transition. I need a sign to wear that says "bear with me, I'm trying to grow my hair out and I know it looks like crap." PS, "Do not judge the merit of this person by her awkward hairstyle."

You may be thinking how does she know that she looks bad? I had dinner tonight with one of my business partners who, when I finally mentioned my new plan to grow out my hair, breathed a huge sigh of relief and reported that she silently speculated whether I had lost my mind, and thought that I looked cute today. See, even my business partner thought what everyone must be thinking.

I'll just channel Jack Canfield and tell myself some will like it, some won't - so what, my new hairstyle is waiting.

I am dying to go see my high school friend Javier Oropeza. He owns the Sterling Salon and Spa on Ventura Blvd. in Studio City, CA. He is the big time, working with Hollywood elite and customers who appreciate his work. He has promised me a makeover when I come to visit to pitch the reality show.

So, when you see me, remember - I know, it looks bad . . .

My hairstylist, Amy from Salon Bella Dona said I should get extensions, but my daughter tells me that people will laugh at me, aren't they doing that now??????

What to do!? Any ideas??

Be a Winner Not a Whiner

2008-07-13T13:04:00.000-07:00

When will it be your turn to truly take control of your life? When will you be so sick and tired of being sick and tired that you will stop the whining, get up off your butt and take action. Only you know when. I can talk until I am blue in the face and only you will know when you are ready to stop whining and start winning.

Here are some action steps you can take in one day to stop the whining and start winning.

1. Get moving: go outside right now and walk for 10 minutes.

2. Get Educated: go to the store right now and buy Larry Winget's book Shut Up, Stop Whining & Get a Life.

3. Eat Something Healthy or walk away from something that isn't: When you make dinner tonight, make one thing healthier, or eliminate one thing that is not healthy. Eat two bites fewer of your portion, make a salad and use half the dressing, bake your chicken, eat fish.... do one thing to make your meal lighter.

4. Organize one thing: clean one closet, one drawer, or the garage.

5. Cancel one item you don't need: change your package for your phone, reduce the costs of your satelite television by changing your package, raise the deductible on your insurance, cancel the extra phone line for your computer.

6. Do something for yourself: take 30 minutes to meditate, read a non-fiction book in an area you need to be better educated, learn something new.

7. Do something for someone else: make cookies for the firefighters, take an elderly person to the store, be a better employee, recycle your magazines with someone who can't afford them.

8. Dream: Take the time to actually dream a thought, a goal, a vision of what you want and then think it through on how you can make it happen.

9. Make an appointment: make one appointment to take care of one thing that you need done. Get the oil changed, see the medical doctor for an annual exam, see a therapist, get the dog to the vet, do one thing to take action.

10. Stop a bad habit: stop one thing today that sabotages your success. Cut one hour from your television watching, take one less gulp of beer, walk away from one argument, take your fingers out of your mouth and don't bite your nails, go to bed 30 minutes earlier.

By doing one thing, you can start the domino effect of successes. Each thing you do is a success. Each bad thing you avoid is a success. You can be successful for NOT doing something.
You can do it - stop whining and do it now!

5 Reasons To Take Action, Even When You Feel Lazy

2008-06-27T12:57:00.000-07:00

1.Because, in order to be an achiever, you must act like one. Even if you are tired, you can still take action. Make a list, make a call, do something toward you goal.

2.Because someone is looking up to you. You may or may not know it, but you are making an impression on someone. In some aspect of your life you are influencing someone in a positive way by your achievements. Think about who matters to you and how you can model achievement for their benefit as well as your own.

3.Because "more often than not" means acheivement. If you get the results that you want more often than not, you are an acheiver. The way to get to "more often than not" is by continuously taking action, acheiving results, reviewing the feedback and making corrections - every single day.

4.Because the ride is making you who you need to be to receive. The ride between what you want and where you are is the time that you become who you need to be in order to receive what you want to have. Use this time productively and the pay off will be handsome. The rewards will be worth the efforts.

5.Because what you want wants you. Imagine your desire, whatever that may be, the same as your desire for your most coveted thing; perhaps the love of your child or mate. Think of the success you want as having that desire for you. Do not deny what you want from being unable to get to you. Imagine the pain of separation from your child. Imagine that object that you want, feeling that pain, let it motivate you to reach towards it and bring it home.

Time Is On My Side????!!!!!

2008-06-24T08:31:00.000-07:00

There seems to be a lot of demands on our time nowadays. I thought that when summer started that the extra time away from the kids' school responsibilities would allow me to catch up on things and make some improvements in my world. I was right, but there is a price. Waking up earlier means I am more tired in the afternoon. Starting the new blog, All About Divorce means that people who want to think about one subject, divorce and healing, can go directly to a site that will help them "deal and heal" as I like to say, means that I have two sites to manage with current material for you to enjoy. I started writing a new book, and in order to be accountable to my partners, I feel compelled to send them regular proof that the book is manifesting.

These are just some of the time management issues I have faced - but, guess what - in order to meet the demands, I have been forced to get creative. I have made positive changes that I might not have made otherwise.

Last week I delegated to my teenage daughters that they were in charge of the general housekeeping as part of their contribution to the home. They have the opportunity to earn money if they take on additional specialized chores. My 17-year-old earned gas money by taking a pummice stone to the mineral stains in the toilet. That was the happiest $4.65 per gallon I have ever spent. Who said there is a gas crisis? I gleem like the porcelain whenever I use the toilet, seeing how clean it is and I had nothing to do with it.

As a single mom, I mow the lawns and maintain the outside of the home. Hard work sometimes and time consuming. It takes me at least an hour to manage the mowing, weed eating, pruning, and what not. By the time I do the work and get a shower, half of the morning is gone. I got to thinking that if I spent that time writing, or taking action towards a money-producing venture, I would be foolish to waste that time. I knew that I did not have a lot of money to invest in a lawn service, so I called each service in the book and waited. Only a few called back (why have an ad in the yellow pages, if you don't return your calls? HELLLLOOO-customer service?).
Anyway, the first couple of bids were out of my price range, but finally a bid came in at just what I was willing to pay.

My daughter said they showed up and were out of there in 10 minutes - no lie.

So, by Thursday, I had mowed lawns, sparkling toilets, and nothing but time on my side. Guess what? I didn't know what to do with myeself. I wrote, relaxed, watched some movies (you have got to see The Bucket List and The Great Debaters), and just chilled out.

This week, I'm back in gear and plan to use my new time in a much more productive way. I now have a clean home, mowed lawns and extra time to write. See how you can find a way to make the time that you need so you can be, do and have all that you want.

A Successful Milestone

2008-06-17T18:10:00.000-07:00

This is a picture of my daughter as she recieved her diploma from me. I am a school board member and one of the rewards for my hard work volunteering my time, is the opportunity to hand out diplomas to the graduating classes. It has been a highlight when I have been able to do it for my own children. My daughter also gave a speech during the ceremony. That in and of itself is a success, seeing how she was painfully shy right up until about 6th grade.
This is the first of many accomplishments for her, and it is especially cool when you can actually hand your child their diploma. If you get the opportunity to volunteer your time and give back to the world, you will have fabulous experiences just like this.

We're Launching A New Site

2008-06-17T11:19:00.000-07:00

Great News! Due to the impact we're having helping divorced people learn to live better lives, we've launched the Faydra and Company blog site All About Divorce. Come visit our new site and learn how to have the best post-divorce relationships possible.

The Ex-Wife's Father's Day

2008-06-15T07:48:00.000-07:00

What is Father's Day like for an ex-wife? Well, if everything just "is" until we attach meaning to it, it is a day of rest and relaxation for me. A day to lay beside the pool and drink a toast to the kids' dad while they spend the day appreciating all that it is he does for them. Whatever that may be.

In our house, the various holidays roll around in a sequence like this: my birthday first, my ex's next. Mother's Day first, Father's Day second. Historically, with that pattern, I would wait to see if the kids' dad took them to get me a gift on my birthday or Mother's Day, and if he did, I would return the favor on his days. This began the last year of our marriage, just before he moved out. That year was a horrible year.... he had a new stereo installed in his truck on my birthday and he got me a CD for a gift. That slap stinged. Ever since then, I have been getting the non-gift that keeps not getting.

Remember my worst best Mother's Day last month? In my sadness, I realized my ex must feel somewhat of the same thing each year, too. He is remarried and to my knowledge, his new wife never engages our children in getting him a gift, I wonder if the day is put on their calendar ???? anyway, so he probably has always felt a little mixed emotions, just like me.

Taking a cue from my daughter, (you really need to re-read the Mother's Day blog), I decided that this Father's Day, I would take the kids to get him whatever they wanted to give.

So, what I found was this: the money I spent did not burn my hand when I gave it away. The kids were happy to pick out cards and gifts. I actually enjoyed remembering what he liked and hearing about new things he liked. I enjoyed doing something for someone that I knew would make them happy.

So here it is Father's Day morning, I hear the sprinklers watering the lawn and I envision the kids giving their dad their gift and I am happy. Not because he "owes" me now, but because I am proud of myself for being a big girl and I am happy for my kids to be happy to make their dad happy(that's a lot of happiness). Remember that feeling I described where I said there was this awkward time on Mother's Day morning where the kids know and I know that there is no gift to give because dad didn't take the lead? Well, today, there is one less person in the world who feels that way.

Today he is not the person who cheated and left me and the kids - that is a perspective. He is not the person who drug me through a bitter divorce - that is a perspective. He is not the person who refuses to acknowledge the good person that I am - that is a perspective. Today, for me, he is the handsome father of my children who deserves to be honored for his contribution to his children, the people that he loves and the community, because that is my perspective.

Is Success All That Matters?

2008-06-02T13:37:00.000-07:00

Recently I was asked if “success” was all that mattered to me. “What is wrong with people who just want to take life day-by-day?” was the question. My answer: nothing at all. What I said in reply was simply this: it isn't the "success" that matters so much to me as it is whom you have to be in order to be successful. What I have been trying to say all along to people in my column
is that the "success" is a by-product of a very healthy person. When you operate from health (emotional, physical, spiritual, and financial), the results are that you are stable, fit, in touch with the universe and have money for whatever you want in life. If you only go after the "stuff", you don't get it. So, I look for people who have their act together, simply because I know that they are the kind of people I will enjoy.
One of the ways that I know this is because I have been on this journey myself. I can remember when things didn’t always go my way - when I was overweight, when I was broke and when I had unhealthy relationships. It was through my becoming a healthy person that so many positive things have happened to me. My problems weren’t that I just ate bad food, spent too much money and picked the wrong men. I had a good life with a good husband and a good job. I was just living day-to-day and not paying attention to what I was doing.
There is this stigma out there that to desire any type of success is greedy. That is ridiculous. We all breathe air at a certain rate. When I run, I take in more air than a sedentary person. Am I greedy for oxygen? I do not have any chronic illness. Does my lack of illness make me greedy for health? Am I taking more than my fair share? Of course not.
People who challenge your desire to be, do and have may be facing their own demons, and that is their path, not yours. Do not let their personal struggle with their own success deter yours.
When I was losing weight, one of the things I will always be grateful for was that no matter when I wanted to exercise, my husband at the time never put a road block in my way. He was always there to watch the kids, or to do whatever he could to help me do what I needed to do in order to be successful. Of course he benefitted from my weight loss too, but he just wanted me to succeed. That wasn’t the case with everyone. Some of my friends at the time had a real issue with my determination and drive to exercise. I learned early on that people with their own weight issues treated me like a fat-girl traitor. They thought that I thought I was too good for them and their sodas and Burger King lunches. It never had anything to do with them - they were facing their own demons and making me their scapegoat.
When I first set out to learn how to make more money, and mentioned that goal in my column, I received an email from a reader who said that I was being inconsiderate to the people who didn’t earn much money. Why? I believe that the only people who are reading this column are the people who like what I have to say, so I write for them. Saying that money is tied to happiness, or my competency to be a columnist is like saying I drive my refrigerator to work. One has nothing to do with the other.
Given the choice to be fat or thin, what would you choose? Given the choice to be in a happy relationship or in a loveless marriage, what would you choose? Given the choice to live in success or mediocrity, what would you choose? Success, right? Not always. If you do not have a trim body, healthy relationship, or other successes, you chose that.
It’s tough to hear, but it is true. If you burned your hand on a hot stove once, you will never do that again, because you got nothing out of it. If you are in an unsuccessful circumstance, then you must be getting something out of it. Are you getting sympathy from others for your sad situation? Are you getting protection from the fear of being all that you could be by not trying? Are you hiding in a body that isn’t the real you, because you think that the real you won’t be good enough? Some of you are.
Part of the reason people like me reach out to the world is because we are driven to share the good news with others. I am not selling you diet pills or a get-successful-quick workbook. I am sharing my enthusiasm for having traveled this path to be, do and have. I wish I had been exposed to this before I became overweight, got divorced, or settled for mediocrity in my life. Just as I have been inspired by the people who impress and motivate me, I want to inspire you, because I know you have it in you.

Hot New Divorce Reality TV Show

2008-05-31T11:53:00.000-07:00

I created a great new reality show featuring divorced parents who hate each other. I am really excited to get this idea to the TV community and make it a reality. The process has been really fun. First, I created a "treatment" that details my ideas and then I registered the treatment with the Creators Vault at http://www.creatorsvault.com/. This protects my idea from being taken and proves that I am pitching origional content.
Next, I need to find an agent who is familiar with the TV world. My friend Michelle Nichols, who is also a professional speaker and author about successful parenting for the working family http://www.HugYourKidsToday.com, says that the TV community is small and that I need to network with anyone and everyone I know. So here is my attempt.
Yesterday, I emailed Oprah because she has a new network developing called OWN, the Oprah Winfrey Network. My show would be an excellent addition to her line up. I also think that the Bravo channel would love it, too. This show has it all - drama, personal growth, cash prizes and all that we love about a good reality show.
If you know of anyone connected to the TV world, please let me know!

In Honor of Eva Jane Patterson

2008-05-24T04:19:00.000-07:00

Today I am in Syracuse New York for the first and most likely the last time. I am here for the memorial for my great-grandmother, Eva Jane Patterson. Surprisingly, I have been asked by my own grandmother to speak a bit about my experiences with my great-grandmother. I am copying what I have prepared here to share with the world the success of a woman who lived 94 years. Oh, the things she saw in this lifetime. The changes in the world, and the achievements of man.

Good Afternoon. My Name is Faydra and Eva was my great-grandmother. Her daughter Pat, is my grandmother.

Most of my life, Eva was someone I only knew in pictures and through the words of my grandmother. I grew up on the West Coast and seeing as we were so far away, I never had the opportunity to know many of you here today. As a matter of fact, most of you I have only met because of this special occasion.

The last few years, my great-grandmother lived with my grandparents, Pat and Frank, who are here with me today. That situation allowed five generations of woman to know one another and to see one another on a regular basis. I am so grateful for that time and I know that it meant so much to my grandmother. On holidays, she had her mother, her granddaughter and her two great-granddaughters all together to share time and make memories.

In knowing my great-grandmother these last years, I knew so much more about my own grandmother and how she was raised and how she came to be the wonderful woman that I know. In turn, my daughters, Kelsey who is 17 and Meaggan 14, had the privilege to know their great-great grandmother and to spend time with her asking questions and learning about their family.

One of the most fun times I remember with my great-grandmother was actually very funny. You see, my great-grandmother and my mother-in-law were the same age. For holidays we would bring my mother-in-law to visit with great-grandma. The two women loved each other. The times that they shared together were wonderful for them because they shared a history of life with each other, despite the fact that they lived their whole lives on opposite ends of the nation. They giggled like school girls, shared recipes and story after story of times that none of us could recall. It made them feel connected once again to their childhoods, adulthoods and more.

To this day I know that my mother-in-law, Evelyn, considers Eva her newest and dearest friend.

I wish that I could tell you more stories about my times with my great-grandma, but as I reflected on what I might like to say here today, I realized that the thing that has impacted me most about my great-grandma is how she had to have been such an extraordinary woman. I know her by knowing my grandmother, who is like a mother to me. By knowing my grandmother, Pat, and seeing the type of spectacular woman that she is, and knowing all that she has taught me and, therefore, all that I have taught my own daughters, I honor my great-grandmother. For as she taught my grandmother how to be a woman, a wife, and a community member, generations of women in her family have benefited. That is a legacy of love that she has created and as my children grow and become women, mothers and community members, they are honoring the women in their family who came before them. It matters not that I grew up on the opposite end of the nation, my great-grandmother had a hand in it none the less.

One of the most memorable times being here was traveling to the cemetery. The cemetery is old and beautiful, as is much of the area, so different from California. The climate, the greenery, the architecture. So much of the area is run down and it is sad to see so many would be beautiful homes left in disrepair, as if the occupants had no idea of the treasure that their homes are. I felt sad as we traveled, wanting to pick up some of the homes like stray animals and take them back to California where I just knew that I could find people who would restore them and love them as they should be. The memory of these gorgeous homes will be my most favorite of this area.

The reflection on the life of a woman who lived 94 years is a measure of achievement. My great-grandmother lived a full life, raised three daughters who were achievers in their own right and that legacy lives on in myself and my daughters. There is a lot of "girl power" going on in life that would not have been if not for Eva Patterson's life.

Reality is Relative

2008-05-13T14:50:00.000-07:00

I am posting some of my most revered columns for review to help keep you motivated! Here's one that received lots of positive feedback:
I’d like to get your thinking about something. Do you realize that any situation, be it good, bad or indifferent only has the meaning that you place on it. Your reality is purely relative to the thoughts and feelings you attach to it. One man’s pleasure is another man’s pain. One man’s debilitating scenario is another man’s opportunity.
Let’s step back a bit. Everything about your life is based on choices you have made. The good and the painful are a result of decisions you made along the way. Even in a tragedy, you make a choice how to cope with it. This is why you see that some people overcome huge odds or tragedies and make great things happen. That is why you also see some people face a tragedy and give up on everything.
Each is a choice based on the reality created between your two ears. Even if you subscribe to the false notion that circumstances are beyond your control, think about this. No matter what any other person or thing may be able to control, no one can control your thoughts. Victor Frankle was a survivor of the death camps of World War II. While there, Victor underwent experimental surgeries without anesthesia. While he lay there in grueling pain, he would allow his mind to travel to thoughts of peace and love, thereby transcending the physical pain. More than that, he believed that he actually had more freedom than the monsters that were performing these inhumane acts on him.
If a tree falls in a forest, a conservationist and a logger may have conflicting reactions. Same situation, different perspective. Why do some people love a rainy day while others hate them? It is the same for any circumstance that you face. Do not let social consciousness dictate to you how you must react to tragedy. If you do, you may allow yourself to take on characteristics that do not suit you, nor do they bring you closer to be, do and have.
I know a girl who had a personal challenge a few years ago. Her life changed quickly and she was hit hard. The situation is irrelative, but the outcome is very relative to her current success. When she was in the midst of her “stuff” it seemed that she drew a lot of sympathy and “oh, you poor thing's” from people. Initially, her family supported her sadness and upset. As the people she knew kept up the “poor thing” attitude, an interesting thing happened. She began to take on the persona of the wounded victim. She began to think and act like a crippled soul, whom nothing much should be expected of because she had been victimized.
After the novelty wore off and the people around her started to believe that she should be over “it”, she no longer knew how to operate outside of the “poor me” role. Then people became intolerant to her behavior after they helped create it. Luckily, she figured out that it was the perception held by others that she was a victim that created her logic. Once she changed her way of thinking about her circumstance, she actually announced that she wasn’t going to be negatively affected by her situation anymore and she walked away from the blame game. Consequently, she began to prosper in all areas of her life. Just from changing her perspective.
My advice to most people is not to take impersonal things personally. If you are treated poorly at the store, it isn’t about you. It may be about the clerk’s issues. If you are cut off on the freeway, it isn’t about you, the other driver may be rushing to the hospital to say good-bye to a dying family member or to say hello to an about-to-be-born child. If you are highly qualified and don’t get the job, it isn’t about you - the agency may have had a more qualified candidate.
If tragedy comes your way, you have choices. You can tell yourself that there is no meaning in going on, or you can say I am going to face this and grow. Look at how many foundations have begun due to a tragedy. AIDS and cancer research, scholarships, self-help and awareness programs are all born from tragedy. Look at amazing people who survived unbearable horrors who deeply feel they were left to tell us something or to help make change. Learn to apply a reality that is based on accountability. Own your choices and reactions to the results and you can lay another foundational brick in your path to be, do and have.
Try this fun two-day experiment. Each person you pass, look in the eye and smile. You should see that people who would normally never interact with you will say hello or smile back. You have been passing people your whole life and not interacting with them. How does it make you feel to interact? You may actually make some ones day with your smile and acknowledgement.

The Best Mother's Day, I Think.....

2008-05-11T22:22:00.000-07:00

Well, I can't sleep and I feel the need to write to you to share what I think has been a good Mother's Day; although, I had to fight to make it so. James Arthur Ray is an author and fellow colleague on all things human potential. He has taught me about the law of polarity and for every action, thought, or situation, there is an opposite action, thought, or situation. Said again, when something bad happens, there has to be something good that happens with it. It is up to us to find the good or see the good despite the interpretation that there is nothing good to see.

So here it is another Mother's Day; I'm single and my kids' dad does not see fit to make sure that the kids get me anything. That, in and of itself, is not that big of a deal - it just hurts a bit. My oldest daughter's God-Father helped ease the pain by getting things for her to give to me. It would have been very nice for their actual father to have helped, though there is always this weirdness about Mother's Day where the girls feel bad because they have nothing to give and we all know why. Despite this, I will make sure their father has something on Father's Day, because it is the right thing to do. So my day began with my baby (14 yrs. old) telling me happy Mother's Day and can you bring me some toilet paper. Actually, she told me that she was happy that she was my daughter, too, so that made me feel pretty good.

We went to the Old Shasta Fiddler's Fair. That has been a tradition since I was still celebrating Mother's Day with my mom. The fair is dwindling, fewer vendors and fewer choices, kind of sad, but we had fun. Next, we went to the mall where I had the privilege to get my kids things that they wanted for Mother's Day. A new dress for one and a new shirt for the other. I also found a cute new dress for me for $19.99. Cha Ching!

All day I had this bad feeling, a kind of sadness and lonesome feeling. I think I was feeling sorry for myself, even though I really have no real reason to feel this way.

In the afternoon, I went and took a nap and that felt good. When I woke up things weren't too great. My daughter announced that she had sent a message to her step-mother for her to have a "Happy Mother's Day" and that her father was so happy that she had done that because it made her feel good. All of a sudden, I found myself needing to leave the room. Out of nowhere came feelings of rage and sadness. I knew that I needed to get out and clear my head, fast. I put on my running shoes and headed for the door. My daughter knew something was wrong and even though I tried to cover it up, I knew she knew something was wrong.

As I started to run, I just felt worse and worse. I was about a quarter mile away and my oldest pulls up in her car and said that her sister said I was upset and was everything OK? I just started to cry. I let it all out to my daughter in the middle of the road, her in her car and me on the street. I cried about how much it hurt that the message was sent. What was the motivation for sending it and why did she tell me about it and about her father's reaction? I felt betrayed and wondered if my daughter wished she were at their house. I had no ability to see the good in sending this message. I felt as though her step-mother was walking ten feet tall and I was reduced to nothing. So, there is a lot of baggage about the situation that is not fit for this blog and not why I am writing this.

After my daughter left, I ran and cried and searched for the polarity. What was the good in this situation? It started to come to me that a child can never have too much love to give or receive. I started to realize that I was holding on to the desire that my children only have one mother and one father and that those roles were exclusive. I had long since accepted that my daughter had another life and, dare I say, family. I had sacrificed many times supporting her desire to attend holidays with "them" because they had more activities and it made perfect sense for her to be where the action is. I had willingly accepted that, no matter what I wanted, I had no control over another person's choices and it was far better to get along with my ex and his new wife than to hold on to bitterness. I realize, and I hope you do too, that bed feelings never hurt anyone but yourself. It's like committing suicide, and expecting someone else to die.

So, I calmed down and came home and went in my back yard to cool off. My daughter came out and she was crying. Through her tears she told me a sad and uplifting story. She told me that the reason she sent the "Happy Mother's Day" greeting was this: At her father's house, where she lives nearly 50% of the time, she has no room of her own, no dresser, no closet, and there are no pictures of her other than from her dad's wedding. Her step-siblings cover the walls and everything there belongs to them. All that she has comes and goes from a duffel bag that she packs with clean clothes coming in and takes the dirty clothes back home here for me to wash. She has no toiletries or anything there except a hair dryer. In this house is a calendar. On the calendar go all of the important events in her dad's family's life. Last month was April. Her birthday is in April, as are other family members' birthdays. No one put my daughter's birthday on the calendar. She sat there and cried and told me how it hurts to see everyone's activities celebrated and how bad it makes her feel to be left out, even though she thinks that she is a good person. She then told me that she sent the message because she thought that if she "did the right thing" that maybe they would include her on the family calendar. Can you believe that.

Hearing my daughter share her upset about her lack of a place in a home she lives in nearly 50% of the time broke my heart. Hearing her show her maturity about how she thought she could reach out and make it better made me the proudest mother on the planet. Together, she and I talked about how this was probably something no one was doing on purpose and, if they were, they will have their own karma to face. I encouraged her to keep it up and that she always had someone to talk to in me.

It is so hard to see your child hurt, but I have learned the hardest of ways that it is their path and there is no room for Mommy to fix the pain. I can only make sure that her life with me is focused on her and her well being. I can only think positively and wish the best for her dad and that he has an open heart and has the type of relationship with her that I have, whereby she can be honest and share how she feels.

I felt I was having a bad Mother's Day, but I got the best gift ever, the knowledge that my child has an amazing heart. Divorce is never easy, but with good communication we can all make it through.

6 months of words

2008-05-01T13:33:00.000-07:00

This week is the 6th-month mark for my column in the Red Bluff Daily News. I am excited about the opportunities that have opened up to me and to others who share an interest in successful post-divorce relationships, law of attraction, weight management and other human potential subjects.
I am as enthusiastic today as I was the first time my column came out. I have a ritual every Wednesday morning. I go to Perk Avenue on North Main, get a white chocolate raspberry scone and a newspaper and read my column. I get bugged because the newspaper usually edits whatever cleaver title I have given my column, but they have yet to rearrange my words, so not all is lost.
I enjoy seeing the familiar faces of the morning coffee crew (have you ever seen those guys in there?). They tease me, or make me feel good about myself, whatever way the wind is blowing for them that day.
I enjoy the routine and the way it makes me feel.
Thank you to all of you who stop by to see what's new on the blog and to post now and again about your reaction to our work.
Ciao-4-Now to you all

Faydra's Train Theory

2008-04-19T11:25:00.000-07:00

I have a theory that I believe and it is very useful when I am wondering why I do not have something that I want. Many people who are changing their lives (we are all always changing our lives) for the better sometimes get discouraged because they think that the fact that the desire is not "here", means that it isn't coming, they can't get it, or whatever. Based on the negativity, they stop doing the new behavior that they swore was going to get them to a better place in life. They stop the healthy eating, the exercise, saving money, having a healthy relationship, etc.

My theory is the Train Theory. Whenever, we are starting a new behavior, or a new way of thinking, we are like a long train standing in the depot. As we begin our journey, we take off slowly. It takes a ton of initial effort to get the train to move even an inch. If we were to measure a train's success at reaching its destination in the first moments of leaving, we would calculate that there is no way the train is going to get anywhere in any time soon. But the train gathers speed and energy and, over a course of miles and a course of time, it becomes a powerhouse of motion. By the time it is truly up and running it is a major powerful force.

That is how we are. Changes happen slowly with time and mileage. If we gauge our success in the first few days, or sometimes months, we may not see clearly the momentum we are generating and completely miss the big picture.

Just as it is easier to stop a train in the beginning of its journey, it is super easy to stop your growth in the beginning of yours. Get your train running. It takes miles for a fast-moving train to stop its momentum. It is the same for you when you have it together and you are making things happen; it is virtually impossible for you to be stopped.

No matter who you are and no matter what level of success you have achieved, it is hard to always remain positive. It is hard when you set a new goal to stay on track. I have my share of hard times, too. Managing weight, managing relationships, managing money can take a toll on you. You have to stay the fight. You have to be honest with yourself and evaluate what you can do better and give yourself credit for what you do well already. If you are honest and are willing to adjust yourself to get back on track, you can be the engineer of the little engine that could and make things happen in your life.

Consider This

2008-04-15T11:13:00.000-07:00

An email sent to me, says a lot.....

I AM THANKFUL:
FOR THE WIFE
WHO SAYS IT'S HOT DOGS TONIGHT,
BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME,
AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

FOR THE HUSBAND
WHO IS ON THE SOFA
BEING A COUCH POTATO,
BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME
AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS.

FO R THE TEENAGER
WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES
BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME,
NOT ON THE STREETS.

FOR THE TAXES I PAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM EMPLOYED.

FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE
BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS.

FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.

FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE

FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING,
WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING,
AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME.

FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING
I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT BECAUSE IT MEANS
WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH.

FOR THE PARKING SPOT
I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH
TRANSPORTAT ION.

FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL
BECAUSE IT MEANs
I AM WARM.

FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH
WHO SINGS OFF KEY BECAUSE IT MEANS
I CAN HEAR.

FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.

FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES
AT THE END OF THE DAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN
CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.

FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF
IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE.

More Often Than Not = Success

2008-04-08T12:14:00.000-07:00

How do you gauge if you are successful? well, that will be when more often than not, you are getting the results you want. No matter who you are, no matter how successful you become, no matter what manifests in your life, you will have adversity, you will face challenges and you will have set backs. In light of this, you need to keep your eye on the prize, and you need to keep your belief that all good things are yours and all the things you desire are coming and are already here in one way or another.
So, when you feel that there is no end to your desires, or the things that you want, know that this is how it is supposed to be. You are always meant to think and grow new ideas and desires and make them happen.
As you develop your new skills and get on track, more often than not, you will see results; more often than not, you will get what you desire; more often than not, you will attract abundance. Achievement or lack of are both feedback. One tells you that you are on target and one tells you that you are not - So what is your average?

Do You Have A Big "But"?

2008-04-01T15:49:00.001-07:00

Well, last Saturday, we had our workshop with Scott Q. Marcus, THINspirational speaker and motivator. What I loved most about his work is the "Big But Theory." Does your "big but" get in the way of what you want to be, do and have? What reason do you give for what you want and then wipe it out with a "but"? I want to be thin, BUT, I can't make the changes. I want love in my life, BUT all the good ones are gone. I want prosperity, BUT I don't have the right education.
Your big but can keep you from reaching your goals. Just like losing weight can get rid of a big butt, changing your attitude can get rid of your other big buts.
Change your attitude and identify your big buts. Label them on a piece of paper and wad them up and throw them away.
I am facing one of my big buts next week. In my quest to earn $200,000.00 this year, I am attending the T. Harv Eckerts Millionaire Mind Intensive course next week. I can't wait to share with you all that I will be learning. If you haven't already, go out and get his best-selling book, The Millionaire Mind. It helps you identify what your thoughts are about money and how your thoughts will make you millions, or keep you in the poor house. I gauge that I am somewhere in the middle, so I hope to get whipped into shape and find new ways to change my "buts" into "wills". I want to make more money and I WILL.....
Keep in touch to see how I rate the course and what cool things I can share with you.
In the meantime, check out Larry Winget's great book, You're Broke Because You Want To Be. I am here to tell you~ I LOVED it.
Ciao-4-Now
Faydra

THINspirationally Speaking

2008-03-27T12:54:00.000-07:00

Only two more days until the workshop at Trilogy with myself and Scott Q. Marcus, THINspirational Speaker, author and columnist. He is speaking to nearly 500 people on Friday and you have the opportunity to see him in a small venue for $47.00!!!!
Do not miss out on hearing our motivational and THINspirational words. Together we have lost over 170 pounds and have kept it off for years. We look forward to sharing with you all the cool stuff we have learned about maximizing our weight management through the years. Call Trilogy Day Spa to reserve your spot.... they're going fast! 528-0516. Hope to see you on Saturday!

An Excerpt From An Enlightened Writer

2008-03-14T20:04:00.000-07:00

Hemal Radia is a fabulous teacher. He and I have become great friends and we want to partner together to share the lessons and insights we have about being, doing and having the things you desire. If you are ready to explore the law of attraction beyond the blockbuster The Secret, then check out his blog at http://www.manifestingandloa.com/
Read his magnificent insights and catch up with the millions who are achieving as fast as they can desire. See Q&A info that brings real-life situations home. You are going to love this stuff!

Using 'the secret' that is the Law of Attraction IN YOUR LIFE

Firstly, there is no secret. The Law of Attraction, and the answers to it have always been available to you based on your vibrational asking (more on that later), think of it as it’s always been, and is, ‘When the student is ready, the teacher appears’, whenever you’ve been ready – vibrationally, for anything, it has appeared; it’s Law. No exceptions.
There is also no coincidence you are reading this article right now. You always attract what you are a vibrational match to.

“If you're looking for the key to the universe, I've got some good news and bad news. The bad news: there's no key to the Universe. The good news: it was never locked.”
Swami Beyondananda

There is No Such Thing As A Lack of Anything

2008-03-12T20:30:00.000-07:00

One of the most important concepts for you to know and believe to create the life that you want is that there is absolutely no lack of abundance of the things that you desire. Part of the problem for people who do not have the things in life that they want is that they believe there is only so much of what they want out there to have. This usually is exampled in money for most people or oil, as the government would have you believe.
There is so much negativity attached to the desire for more money and it cracks me up. There is no more reason to be sorry for wanting money than to be sorry for wanting oxygen. You wouldn't stop breathing for a while because you felt guilty for taking in more air than you should. You wouldn't voluntarily give up your wellness because you feel guilty for not being sick. The same is true for money. Money is only a source of energy or currency; it isn't any different than anything else. We could be trading jelly beans for the things that we want instead of money. IF that were the case, the Jelly Belly factory would be the US Treasury.
The next time you start to feel bad for wanting more money, or more health, or more love -remember, there are plenty of people passing up the opportunity to have these things. If you'd like, you can just volunteer to take their unwanted share. The truth is, that the only reason you don't have more dollars, more health, or a soul mate is because you either don't really want them, you don't believe you deserve them, or you aren't allowing them in because you don't believe they're on the way to you. Tune your frequency to the abundance channel and your desires will come to you in technicolor with the highest quality resolution there is.
The more you believe you deserve it, the more you savor the thoughts about it, the more you anticipate the arrival of it, the faster it will come.

Don't Focus On The "Who" Or The "How"-Only On The "What"

2008-03-11T20:48:00.000-07:00

Whenever you are working to be, do and have the things in life that you want, all you should focus on is what you want and three special words: Abundance, Clarity and Well-Being. It is not your job to worry about how you will get what you want, or who is going to bring it to you. Your focus needs to be on defining what you want, believing that it is yours to have and allowing it to flow to you. I know that to some, this sounds way out there, but at any level, this is all you need to get what you desire.
When you add to what you desire the additional desire to have abundance, clarity and well-being in your life, you are asking to manifest the tools that you need to create your own life. If you desire a new career and you focus on receiving clarity in your life, you will begin to see opportunities where there had been none. You will see people in a new light and you will attract circumstances and people who are beneficial in reaching your goals.
When you desire wealth and you focus on abundance, you will see more than just dollars in your account. You will see everything you want is on sale, coupons, free items, you may win the lottery, you will sense satisfaction with what you already have. These are signs of abundance.
When you desire health and you focus on well-being, you will see your relationships improve, your health regenerate and your awareness of your body and mind increase.
All of this happens by naming it and claiming it with the power of belief and clarity of what you want.
In understanding this law of attraction, there is something else you need to understand. You are only able to attract into your life that which is like you. You cannot will another to you. You cannot apply this law to a specific person. If you do and they come it is only because they were on the same level of attraction. I can't want Brad Pitt, believe he is mine for the having and know that he is on his way. I can, however, desire my soul mate, identify his qualities and know that he is on his way, and with the belief that I am abundant, have clarity and well-being, know that I will have what it takes to recognize when he presents himself.
If you set your sights on a person and spend time desiring that person and they do not respond, you are misfocused. If you only allow the possibility that the person you identified is the only thing that you "want", you are off base. You need to redefine your wanting.
I often use a simple term when I am working out what I want. I simply say "this or something better". This is my out for knowing that I am not nearly as smart as the universe and, therefore, in my infinite unwisdom, may think I have it all figured out, but clearly, I do not. So, I always add "this or something better". This, coupled with the moment-by-moment desire for abundance, clarity and well-being, means that I can't go wrong. I have not made the wanting an all-or-nothing scenario.
See, if I did the all-or-nothing scenario, I would only be focused on the "how" or the "who". I can not truly know the number of ways to achieve what I desire, so by putting out there that I am willing to receive that which I hadn't even considered (but that may be more fabulous than what I thought I wanted), I am setting the stage for the universe to have a field day in bringing me some great stuff.
Remember Garth Brooks' song Thank God For Unanswered Prayers? That is an example of the universe knowing better than you.
It is hard, in the middle of a tragedy, to believe that there is something better. The death of a loved one, a divorce, the loss of a friend, or any loss seems unbearable, and it seems that no good can come from it. I know that for me, it has brought something good.
Sometimes it is a lesson that makes you better the next time around; especially in love.
So, for tonight I say this: I desire with all my heart a connection with the universe that allows me clarity, abundance and well-being. In my request, I desire to use that clarity, well-being and abundance to expand myself and the universe in a positive way. I know that all I want is mine to have and that all that I want is here and on its way to me. I deserve the things that I want because I am fabulous and I use my fabulousness to make others fabulous. I desire to connect with people who share the same interests and values as I do and I seek to allow others to be who they desire. I desire to go forth into the world looking for only that which makes me happy. This or something better......

The Law of Attraction Is Real

2008-03-03T18:30:00.000-08:00

Did you ever stop to think about the fact that it is impossible not to change? Have you ever known someone who said that they hate change? Avoiding change is impossible. The whole purpose of being here is to make change. As you grow, you change. As you evolve you change.
Change is the whole reason you have preference. Everything that you encounter in life helps you develop a preference. By determining your preferences, you choose the things that you want in your life and experiences, and you also choose what you do not want in your life and your experiences.
When you develop your preference, the key to positive change is to only focus on that which is what you "want". Many more of us know what we don't want: debt, weight gain, mean people in our lives. We need to focus on what we do want: a rare burger eaten at Cheeseburger In Paradise in Hawaii, a new car, a ride in a convertible with a cool friend.
When we take into account what we do want, we start to attract it into our experience. It is the law of attraction. Just the same, our focus on the negative will attract that into our experience.
Since the law of attraction is real and it is working, whether we are trying to use it or not, we need to make it work for us, not against us.
I have been working with this process intensely since the end of last summer and I can tell you that it WORKS. I have friends and clients who will agree. We all have believed and seen the results in our lives.
This blog alone is a representation of making the law of attraction work.
So how do you make this law work for you? Let's get back to basics. All you really need to do is: #1. Decide what you want (not what you don't);
#2. Believe that you deserve what it is that you want (truly believe);
#3. Believe that what you want is on its way.
That is it in a nutshell. Once you experience this in a few tested ways, you will begin to see that it is true. The work comes when you do not see results. This is a sure sign that you are not completing one of the steps, most likely step #2 or #3. When that is happening, there are a lot of ways to get you over that hurdle. Books to read, things to think about . . . we'll cover that more later.
Test yourself. Think of something easy for you to conceive and believe. See if you can make it happen. Just like it is good to have a partner for other things, a partner can help you stay the course when you are learning to work with the law of attraction. They can help keep you motivated and redirect you when you get off track. So, enlist a friend to be your attraction partner.
My best girlfriend and I have been practicing this since the end of the summer, and it is really working. Go out and try it and let us know here on the blog how it is working for you. If you run into snags, we'll see you through.

It's Not About Forgiving, It's About Allowing

2008-03-02T07:30:00.000-08:00

Historically, there have been amazing stories about people who have been "forgiven" for all sorts of things like murder, rape, cheating, lying, or other sorts of discord. I think that forgiveness can be a value to the forgiver and the forgiven; however, it isn't necessary in order to move forward in life.
One of the abilities of achievers is their ability to "allow". Allowing is different than forgiving. Allowing can often times come first, before you would ever need to forgive. Allowing can also come after you have forgiven, but it is different than forgiveness.
Allowing is the understanding that your experience is not the same as another's. What you desire in life and what you attract in life is not the same as everyone else. Whether you know it or not, you are constantly creating your life and drawing people, events, experiences and things into that experience. Along the way, you are encountering people and events and circumstances that are not in alignment with your creating. You will encounter people who do not share your view, vision, passion, or attitude.
Achievers understand that it is not your role to change the path that another person is on. Even if it is destructive to themselves or to society. You cannot force your will onto another. You can influence them, if they are willing to see what you have to offer, but you cannot make them "see it your way." Achievers don't spend time trying to influence people; they allow people to be who they are.
It is freeing to accept people for who they are, because you do not allow them to influence your positive spirit. If you allow others to be and see that they are in no true way an influence on you, you will feel better and more in control of your life.
If you realize that your desired outcome has nothing to do with the outcome of another, then you will keep moving towards people who share your visions in life.
Even if you have been hurt, you can allow that person to be who they are without them affecting you. If you understand that their behavior is theirs and you do not have to tolerate it, accept it or succumb to it, you will be free from it.
If you have a negative family member who simply cannot operate in a manner that is healthy for you, you can allow them to be who they are without being a victim to them. You can love them and let their behavior go.
How will you know you are allowing? It feels good. If you are thinking that you are allowing, but feel bad, you are tolerating. That is not the same thing. Tolerating is like swallowing your feelings. It isn't an acceptance of allowing someone to be who they are, but that it doesn't affect you.
Have you ever heard someone say "That's so and so, he's just like that."? If you are uncomfortable with the person despite their acceptance to another, you are not allowing. You want to change the person or their behavior, while the others are allowing them. The allowing gives you power. The one who accepts the person, probably had set boundaries that the person cannot cross, or they have a plan for how to exit when the person becomes toxic. You, in your angst, are letting the negative person get to you, which is affecting you more than them.
Try to allow the people who see the world differently be who they are and you will see a sense of acceptance that travels to the other aspects of your life. When you no longer feel the responsibility to be your brother's keeper you will have appreciation for your own actions and you will begin to recognize all the people around you who share your views.

A Portrait Of Achievement

2008-02-25T12:02:00.000-08:00

There is a woman that I know who is a big fan of this blog. She is a big fan of mine, she is a big fan of God, she is a big fan of her family and she is a big fan of the people she works with. This lady is one of the most selfless people I know. She is always willing to go out of her way for family, co-workers and strangers. She is tireless and she never misses work. She works hard for her money and she has had a few rewarding careers.
What makes her an achiever in my eyes is her attitude. She never gives in and she never gives up. She is always there for the people she serves in her job without prejudice, judgment or a negative word. Sometimes I can see that she is tired and sometimes I can tell she is weary, but she never lets on. She is as "with it" as anyone who is younger and well put together. She dresses well no matter the reason or the season. She has joy in her language, laughter and actions. She has more children than I can count and she has an excellent relationship with them. She is wise and has seen great things and challenging things in her life. Through it all she triumphs. She may work under me, but she has taught me a thing or two about work ethic, life and logic.
She comes to work each day at 6:30 a.m., well before she is required to be here and she stays at it until she goes home, sometimes later than her 8 hours. She NEVER complains and she has the best work ethic of anyone I have ever known.
Oh, did I mention that she is well into her seventies???!!!!!!!!!
Dee is a portrait of an achiever that we can all learn from.

I Will Never Understand the Big E

2008-02-20T17:16:00.000-08:00

Perhaps it's a character flaw, perhaps my disappointing childhood, or just intollerance, but I hate EXCUSES. I loath them. I have no room for them in my life. They are the root of so many failures in life. They are the lazy person's way to pass the buck.
No matter what, failure to do something, keep a commitment, honor your word or finish what you started wrapped up with an excuse, is still a failure. I don't like sugar coated failures any more than a plain old failure; it is all the same to me. If you say you are going to do something and don't, you are in essence a liar.
Sounds harsh, but is it really? Does it matter what the let down is first? If a divorced parent says that they are going be at a child's event and doesn't show, or cancels at the last minute, but has a reason, is that o.k.? No, it is not. If your spouse says that they will take care of something and then they don't, is it o.k.? No.
Perhaps the first time that you are let down it isn't that big of a deal. You know, you roll with it and add your own excuse as to why it is acceptable that someone flakes on you. Long about the 50th time, you begin to resent the person. Not only that, you begin to lose trust and respect.
Achievers know that a person is only as good as their word. Achievers know that in order to be, do and have, they must take action, be dependable and not flaky. Achievers almost always deliver the goods, even if it is inconvenient, or hard, or time consuming, or whatever; they just do it! Then, if, on the rare occasion, they can't finish what they have started, they will have no issues getting assistance, an extension, or a modification, because they are not seen as someone who normally drops the ball.
Being accountable means sticking to your word and being dependable. If you must be a flake, then at least call the person who is depending on you and tell them ahead of time that you are unable to complete your commitment, but also offer to them how you will get the project done, make the meeting, finish what you started, or whatever.
When family members use excuses, they are taking advantage of the faith, loyalty and love that holds the family together. They are in essence saying, I am letting you down, but I am playing the family card so I can get away with it. If you use excuses at work, you are sending the message that I am not a dependable employee and, therefore, should not be considered for promotions. If you use excuses with your friends, you will see the invitations to get together dwindle.
Either stop making excuses and become the person you need to be to get things done, get organized, get in shape, be dependable, OR, stop commiting to things that are out of your ability and do not have resentment when someone feels that you are not dependable.

A Good Day

2008-02-16T10:38:00.000-08:00

Well today is a milestone. I begin my last year of my thirties. I am 39 today. I began the day lying in bed thinking about what all has happened the last 38 years. What I like and what I don't; what I am proud of and what I am not; what I am grateful for and what I would do differently.

I met my best girlfriend for a run at "the hills" and we talked the whole way. I loved it. She and I have been facing tough challenges these last months; ones that other people may not be able to survive, but we are. For this time, I am grateful.

I will be leaving shortly to watch my daughter in her year-end cheerleading competition; I am happy to spend this day watching her. It is a good day.

Tomorrow I will spend the day with some friends and watch NASCAR, have some dinner and just be together. Tomorrow will be a good day.

Last month, a family member died. As a result, I and my children spent quality time with family. We laughed and just hung out with no hurry and no place to go. I ran in the Bay Area and got undivided attention from my teenage daughters. That was a good day.

The other day I came across a book that has helped my daughter deal with her disability. It awakened me to her needs and how to be a better parent. I connected to a woman who I respect who also has a daughter who has the same illness. I learned so much and my relationship with my daughter is instantly better. It was a good day.

I am enjoying my career very much. Yesterday, I had a wonderful work situation. I was doing something for the first time. It affected the lives of a lot of people and I needed to do my best work. I met the challenge and everyone involved benefitted from my recommendation and hard work. It was a very good day.

I have a new pair of pants. I like them very much and I get to wear them today. They fit my 39-year-old shape pretty well. It is a good day.

The weather is beautiful as I sit here. Being home this time of day is unusual. I like the way the light hits the inside of my home. I hear the Eagles playing in the back ground as I type. I have on my new jeans, about to spend time watching my daughter in cheerleading and maybe doing a bit of shopping. I hear my daughter in her room battling some "Lord" in her video game and I am happy that even at almost 17, she still knows how to play. It is a good day.

Last night I had dinner with a great friend and our daughters. Over a cocktail and Shirley Temples, we talked with our teenagers about boys and teenage issues. We laughed and joked and enjoyed one another. It was a good day.

I could go on and on about the wonderfulness of my life. I could also go on and on about the challenges, the worries, the doubts of which there are many. For all that is good, there is also bad. It is the law of polarity. You cannot know good without knowing bad. I accept the bad, because it makes the good delicious and sweet. I treasure the good in spite of the bad. I aknowledge the bad, but give my attention to the good. I revel in the good. I bask in the good. I choose the good.

There have been situations in my life lately where the old me would have fallen apart in angst and jealousy. Not today. Today is a good day, so was yesterday and tomorrow will be, too. I am changed forever and I want you to be changed forever too. Learn from another's example;you don't have to learn the hard way. Live smart, not hard.

Life has given me clues. Some clues tell me to let go of the things that do not give in return, let go of certain dreams. Do you know why? Because as I have grown, my dreams have changed and life is showing me the path. I am asking to see the path in a moonless sky. Even in the dark, the way is clear; not easy, but clear.

Look for nature's clues. They are there just waiting for you to find them. It is the eternal Easter egg hunt.

PS: Spell check is down on my blog, so please forgive any wacky new words I may have created, and Diane is the editor of the business; she's the amazing speller, not me :)

You Wouldn't Even Be Able To Think It, If You Couldn't Do It

2008-02-09T16:40:00.000-08:00

I have been thinking about the statement that says: If you can conceive it and believe it, you can achieve it. That statement helps people understand that if you dare to dream an idea, then therein lies the opportunity to move towards that dream. That is great, but, a lot - dare I say, most people get so scared that they never move close to the dream, because they don't think they have what it takes to make it happen. They think that they can't, for a million defeating reasons, as if the thought were inconceiveable.
Well, let's think about this another way and see if it changes the way you think. I believe that the ideas that we have are our source (God, inner-self or whatever you call your higher power) urging us to carry out our life's purpose. These ideas are like the movie trailers we see at the theater. They are glimpses of coming attractions. Pieces of the idea are formed and may include a visual in your mind. Pieces are just ideas or a thought that you have had about a way to do something, make something or change a circumstance. No matter what the idea is, I believe that the mere fact that you had the idea, in and of itself, tells you all you need to know about whether or not you can achieve it. I believe that the human mind will only produce a thought that it knows it can achieve. I don't believe that the human mind would conceive an idea and have it appear in your thoughts if you could not achieve it.
Why would it? There is no logic to the thought that an idea would be thought by anyone who could not make it so. What cannot make it so is the interpretation that it cannot be done. This interpretation may be inner, or come from outside of us, but it is wrong. If you can conceive it and believe it, you can achieve it. You wouldn't even be able to think the thought if you couldn't achieve it. That alone should give you the staying power to move forward.

Give Me A Topic

2008-02-04T17:14:00.000-08:00

Let's work together to answer your questions!
Send me an email at lifecoach@shasta.com and I'll answer your success questions. Let's talk about weight loss, relationships or how to be, do and have what you desire. Your name and email address will remain confidential.

Left To Tell~An Amazing Account by Imaculee Ilibagiza

2008-02-04T16:22:00.000-08:00

I read an amazing book in one day this weekend. It is an amazing story told by an amazing woman and sent to me in amazing circumstances. Imaculee Ilibagiza is a Rwandan woman hunted by her friends and neighbors during the Tutsi genocide in 1994. She lived for 91 days in a 3x6 bathroom with 6 other women and never made a sound. Her family was massacred in the most horrible way by people she knew and trusted. Her story of finding faith in the most unimaginable circumstances has changed me.
Imaculee is a hero for me, not because of what she has endured; for that, I consider her a remarkable woman. She is a hero for me because she has shown me the power of belief and faith. I am a show-me person and Imaculee is, too. Through her story, I have learned about faith and I am a believer. Faith for her, is in whom she calls God. Faith for others may be in Buddah, Spirit or Source Energy. I believe it is all the same.
No matter what you believe to be the higher power in your life, know it is there. Know that if you tap into it your life will change. It can be scary to dip your feet into the pool of higher power. I sense that is directly due to the associated thoughts of organized religion. I know that a lot of people label themselves based on their religious practices. For me, that is all irrelevant. I am searching for truth about the universal, and organized religion is not universal.
On page 114, I read a passage of the book that reinforced what I have been believing for so long. Imaculee said that she realized that "At first I was expecting Him, God (which is her name for the higher power in her life), to show me my entire future all at once-maybe with a flash of lightning and a clap of thunder thrown in for good measure. But I came to learn that God never shows us something we aren't ready to understand. Instead, He lets us see what we need to see, when we need to see it. He'll wait until our eyes and hearts are open to Him, and then when we're ready He will plant our feet on the path that's best for us... but it's up to us to do the walking."
Oh, the ring of truth for me!!!! I always tell people that it won't just fall into your lap and it isn't about just thinking good thoughts. It's about taking action and being ready for the opportunity by becoming the person you need to be in order to be ready when the opportunity comes.
If you have ever doubted the notion that a higher and greater good is there and ready for your success, then read Left To Tell by Imaculee Ilibagiza. If you can hear her message of hope and faith in this story, you will realize how fortunate you are not to need to live through a holocaust in order to get what you want from life. She is such an inspiration. I feel as though I owe her for making me a better person. I can't wait to meet her!

Some Things I Know For Sure

2008-02-01T11:23:00.001-08:00

Each of us is on a journey. Each of us has goals and desires. There is no way in life to not evolve. Each of us evolves at the pace that we can based on our ability. As we try to seek out our reasons for being here on Earth and what it all means, some of us may move faster than others.
I have been thinking about children. When they are born they learn at an alarming rate. Just stop and think about how much a child learns in the first two years of life. After a while it seems as though the rate at which we learn begins to slow. It seems as though we stop amassing information with the wide-eyed eagerness of a child and start to examine things before we learn them. We shut ourselves off from great things that we never learn. At some point we are deterred from learning. Isn't that sad? Some people, once they reach a level of maturity, never seek to know more, or they allow others to demonstrate what they should be, do and have. They lose their ability to know for themselves what they are capable of.
I remember that happening to me in my late teens and twenties. As a young child, I was very strong and desired good things. Somewhere in my teens I began to feel that I was limited. I thought that I had limited potential, limited support and limited resources. The main thing missing was anyone more mature than I telling me I was wrong and to go out there and get a cool life.
The life I got was pretty cool, but it wasn't the life it could have been. I am a sum of the parts of the life that I have lived and that is important, but I didn't neccessarily need to live all of that life to be me now either.
Don't wait for someone else to tell you that you can be, do and have anything that you want. The only key is responsibility. That means being responsible enough to take a hard look at yourself and your current results and be able to determine where to go from here. By asking yourself that question and honestly looking for the answer, you will open up the world. You will be able to make any changes you need.
The second thing is, don't expect it all overnight. You will be amazed at how fast some things will happen, but some take time.
I am realizing as I make better decisions and better choices in my life that time is very important. If I had been handed some of the things that I said I wanted sooner, I would have lost them or failed. Why, because I hadn't become the person I needed to be yet in order to appreciate, maintain and expand on the things that I wanted.
I had lost weight one time prior to my major weight loss. I went through the motions and lost a lot of weight. I got pregnant with my second daughter and put it all back on. Why? Because I hadn't gotten right in my head. When I did, I lost 100 lbs and have kept it off for 9 years now.
As I have moved through life, I have seen that the things that we can handle are given to us at a rate equvilent to our ability to maintain them. Get yourself ready for great things by becomming more educated, more self-aware and more able to manage the greatness you desire. When your ability level equals your desire, it will come.

I Guess Sometimes You Need Street Cred

2008-01-30T09:56:00.000-08:00

When I was young and wanted to break free from the chaos that surrounded me and find a better life, I often thought to myself that I did not have the support or background to do amazing things. I thought that amazing things were for people who had amazing parents and amazing grades and amazing homes. I thought that the only way for me to have things in life was to work as hard as possible, conceal as much about myself and my past as possible and try to "fake it 'til I make it" in the world.
When I was younger, I wanted to be two things: An American Airlines stewardess and an attorney. I wanted to be a stewardess to be like my grandma whom I adored. She was a flight attendant back in the day when it was glamorous and exciting. She had an apartment in New York and San Francisco. She was (and is) so beautiful; I wanted to be just like her. I also wanted to be an attorney because I knew that I had a knack for representing people and issues, and I loved the whole essence of law and being an attorney.
Even though I had those dreams, I never believed that either one was truly an option. I didn't have the support or the encouragement to know better, and I certainly didn't have the ability to tell myself that I could.
The fact was that I let my lack of credibility, as I had defined it, spoil my dreams.
As I went through school as a psychology major, I began to see that a lot of my life experience was listed in the text books. I diagnosed myself and my family members easily and often with a litany of disorders. This did not add to my sense of self-worth or increase my ability to believe that I could be, do or have the things that I wanted.
Nonetheless, I graduated and landed a job with the county mental health division. There I began to realize my credibility. I discovered that much of my life experience actually made me a better employee and better provider. How, because I had walked a walk similar to the people I served. I had street cred.
My street cred opened doors for me with clients and allowed me to rise through the ranks at work.
You see, I had the brain of an attorney, I had the grace of the stewardess and I had the credibility of an abused and neglected little girl who used her brain and her grace to rise up out of the darkness of the "can't be's" to the sunlight of the "I am's."
As I moved into my new journey as an author and speaker, I ran back into the wall. I thought to myself, I can't compete with the big dogs. I am not a PhD, I am not an attorney, I haven't worked in Uganda with the oppressed, I am not enlightened by a Yogi, I am not a cancer survivor, I am only me. I don't have the credibility yet.
Then it hit me one day as I deplaned in Hawaii for a speaking engagement. I was approached by people I didn't recognize or remember. They were all "Hi! Look, it's Faydra. Hi there, we can't wait to see you!" I was caught off guard, and realized that these were people attending the conference. They had heard me speak and were coming back again!
I realized that I was a big dog. I was credible and I do have an important purpose.
As a columnist, I am so aware of the importance of my credibility. My street cred is what gives me the material for my column and my books. My street cred is what fuels my openness and connectedness with the people who like my message.
There is a school of thought that says that we all choose our paths before we are born. As energy, we see the impact that our lives will have on the collective of the world and we choose a path that will be the vehicle to present our impact.
I knew early on in life that I always seemed to face tough situations with ease. I was not easily broken. I didn't see my childhood as a tragedy. With my immature mind, I saw my life as embarrassing, but temporary.
As an adult, I see that I needed that life to have this life; a life of awakening people to their potential. An honest and true desire to reach out to people who are looking for solutions and show them a better way. A life that is free of the type of events I knew then. A life broken free of the weirdness of my childhood. My children know nothing of the sort of things I was exposed to. They know nothing of the type of life I led, but there are children who do. I want to be a shining light to them to say, it's o.k. to be o.k. I want to be an example to the young adults who need an example of how to overcome your childhood and be who you were born to be.
With the brain of an attorney and the grace of a stewardess and the street cred of a abused and neglected kid, I am complete.

Don't Be A Slacker If You Want Results

2008-01-27T15:16:00.000-08:00

Whew!
I just got back from running. 2 miles in the rain and the wind and cold. I can smell the aroma of the homemade dinner I put in the oven and as I look around me, everything is tidy and in its place. It's 3:15 p.m. and I have already been to work
(35 minutes each way) to complete some extra reports that were due and to check in with my weekend staff. I did a little shopping and bought two beautiful lamps on sale at TJ Maxx. I programmed some shows to record on TiVo and visited with Diane (Faydra and Company partner) when she dropped by. Later, I am having dinner with friends (I'm bringing the chile verde).
My point is that I have accomplished a lot for a Sunday afternoon. It is important to remain focused when you have a busy life. You can't become a slacker and wonder why you don't have results. The truth is, I almost didn't run. I didn't want to get sweaty and have to shower again before visiting my friends. But you know what, I said to my slacker self, "Slacker, if you want to eat that chile verde tonight, you'd better run off the Carlito's from last night". (I am a HUGE Mexican food fanatic). So, I changed my clothes and ran.
The first half of the run was hard. I wasn't as into it as I could have been and I hadn't eaten well enough to fuel my body (I had only eaten pretzels and iced tea), but the second half was great. I actually started thinking about how proud I am of myself for not being a slacker.
I am proud that I traveled the extra miles Saturday and Sunday to work to get ahead of the game. I am proud that I managed my time and found the lamps I wanted (and on sale). I am proud that I had gotten my housework done, so when Diane came by, I was not embarrassed by a mess. I am proud that I ran because I feel better physically and emotionally. I am proud that I took the time to cut and chop and cook a great batch of homemade chili verde that I know everyone will love.
There are times when I am stressed and overwhelmed and overloaded, but I continuously find that if I stay focused and don't slack, it all works out just fine.

Sometimes People See Things In A Different Way Than You

2008-01-24T11:16:00.000-08:00

This is a copy of pieces of an e-mail exchange. At first, I was very hurt and upset about the notion that my declaration to make $200,000.00 in 2008 was anything other than a cool new way to help others. If I can do it anyone can, and I will share anything I learn along the way and work with anyone who wants to increase their worth too. What I mean about worth is their spiritual, physical, emotional and financial worth. It isn't about greed. It isn't about median income, it isn't about the "man" keeping us down. It's about setting a goal, taking action and becoming who you have to be to get there:

Email I received -

not to be critical, but don't cha think, just thinking here, that some of your readers might be somewhat 'offended' and 'alienated' by your comments that you want to make 200 grand this year? i mean, how many folks in good ole rb make anything even close to that? i think the average income in this county is down around 30 grand or something like that. what i mean is, if you're coaching people to aim higher, which is a good thing, don't ya think that they might read that and think, 'why should i even try? my thought was, 'this woman is shooting for 200 grand, and i can't even keep my own head above water half the time financially (and i do pretty well for around here).

Here is my reply -

Hi
Wow, tell me what you really think :) OK, I read this e-mail and had an immediately defensive reaction and then I stopped and put a lot of thought into what you said.First of all, I think that if you only read the number 200,000.00, I could see how someone could react how you have. If I had said "make more money in 2008" perhaps it would be better received. Attaching a number to it somehow threatens people. I know that you are not from here and I forget sometimes that even though I am following Mr. Minch in my quest to live every damn day of my life in Red Bluff, not everyone knows me. I have been a community member and business owner in Red Bluff for all of my adult life. I am on various boards and have been involved in really cool things that have made more people than not know who I am. That being said, a lot of people know that I come from nothing. I've lived on my own since I was a teen, put myself all the way through graduate school on my own, raised two amazing children who give more than they take from this community and have survived some really not-fun childhood monsters and a public and humiliating divorce, all to be who I am today. I own a modest but beautiful home, while others have built mansions around me, I drive a new vehicle while others have two and three, I speak all over and I work for everything that I have. I have no parents in my life and I have no investors in the wings to support my business ventures. What I do have are the things that I have learned along the way. I am the American Dream, I practice what I preach and while I may not have it all together every day, my life keeps getting better as a whole.I plan to show people who make $20,000.00 per year that they can shoot for more. It wasn't that long ago that I was only making $20,000.00 per year and by taking action and not blaming the economy or where I live or what I am not, I made it better little by little. Believe me, I am only keeping my head above water a lot of the time. I am no different than you or any one else. It is all a dance, emotional, financial,spiritual and physical. I work very hard in each category and I am weak, in the financial. I want to learn more to earn more. It isn't about the money. It's about becoming the person I need to become in order to get there. Don't you agree? I appreciate your frame of reference and I most certainly do not want to alienate anyone, but I know that not everyone is ready to hear what I have to say and not everyone wants me to be successful. What to do, I don't know. Oddly enough, my next column is designed to talk about rejection and what to do to stay strong when you are criticized. I do not see this email as a criticism per se, but I hope that I made a better case for my true desire to earn "more" in 2008.

What Do you Do?

2008-01-22T10:38:00.000-08:00

One of the hardest questions that I have to answer is, "what do you do?" I always find myself needing to take a deep breath and try to encapsulate what it is that I do into a sentance that doesn't shock the hell out of people. I am a wife, mother, friend, business owner, business partner, administrator, board member, coach, author, columnist, speaker, court investigator, life coach, divorce relationships expert, and oh so much more. I have many forms of employment and I have many activities I participate in. It all sounds so overwhelming to others, yet so exciting to me. I rarely feel as though there aren't enough hours in the day. I almost always get enough sleep and I don't feel like I should say "no" more often.

So, why does it all work. Organization. Being organized has been one of the best character traits that I posses. Being organized is what has allowed me to have so many irons in the fire without burning my hands. It has helped me to be ready when really cool opportunities have come my way. The way I see it, to be successful, you need to be either really organized, or really wealthy. If you’re organized, you can accomplish anything that you desire. If you are wealthy enough, you can afford a support team to make up for your disorganization. The ultimate situation is to be wealthy AND organized. That is the focus in my life and my desire for you.

Our Workshop Was a Big Success

2008-01-14T06:58:00.000-08:00

Good Morning
Our first local workshop proved to be a big hit! We spent two fun-filled hours sharing information and stories about achieving new results in our lives. The group was a warm, friendly environment where people talked, laughed and got excited to change. If you missed the workshop, you can still order a copy of the workbook Resignations and Applications. This workbook gives you over 30 pages of information about how to let go of a negative relationship or a negative circumstance and apply to a new situation that fits who you want to be now. Learn why REALITY IS RELATIVE; learn how YOU PUT THE ONLY ROADBLOCKS IN YOUR PATH; read sample letters of resignation and application; checkout the 5-A-Day way to achieve what you want. Workbooks are available for $5.00 each. Simply contact us at lifecoach@shasta.com to order. We are also taking orders for the audio portion of the Resignations and Applications workshop. This includes a CD and a workbook for $35.00. Remember, we are always available for one-on-one and group consulting.
Have a great day!

Resignations and Applications

2008-01-08T16:37:00.000-08:00

When the idea for Resignations and Applications came to Faydra, it made perfect sense to her. She was thinking of a process whereby a person could simply resign from issues, people or circumstances that no longer fit in with their dreams. Then an application would be made to the new relationship desired.
She was so excited about this new process. She thought that it would become the flagship concept to launch Faydra and Company. She even created a workshop to share the concept with anyone in the area.
Now, I'm not so sure ... but, I think the title may be misleading. I think that it may sound like a workshop about job searching. Uh oh!
Come tell me what you think. The workshop is this Saturday, 1/12/08, at Trilogy Day Spa from 10:00 a.m.- noon. The workshop is hosted by some wonderful sponsors and is almost sold out!!! But, there are still a few seats left. Don't tell Faydra, but if you bring a friend, you'll get $5.00 off each at the door. This is a $50.00 workshop that was already marked down to $25.00, for only $20.00 each!!! I am so excited about this new process that I want to share it with everyone.
You can pre-register by calling Trilogy at 528-0516, or sign up at the door. Space is limited, unless you don't mind sitting on the floor.
If you think that Faydra writes a good column, wait until you hear her in person. You will have absolutely no regrets about coming to the workshop. She has spoken to large groups of hundreds of people all over the nation in great places like Hawaii and Las Vegas, and I am so glad she is finally speaking here. You don't want to miss this opportunity! I can't wait!
See You There!
Diane ~ Marketing Director

Sometimes You Just Have to Breathe

2008-01-03T15:08:00.000-08:00

What do you do when life hits you with a curve ball and you can't catch your breath? No matter who we are; successful or not, wealthy or not, loved or not, we still face tough times. I have to admit, I am not always living the life I thought that I would. I am not always in the best space that I want to be physically, emotionally and financially. I get hit with curve balls too.
Many of you may not know, but one of the hats that I wear is as the Executive Director of a non-profit housing program. We provide housing and other resources to mentally ill people.I got hit with a curve ball a moment ago. A significant amount of funding for my non-profit is under threat. This is enough income to financially devastate our program. I feel a lot of emotions about this. Remember what I have said before? Do not take non-personal things personally. Well, I can't decide if this is personal or not. Do you ever have to work with people who just flat out do not like you? From the moment you met them, it is apparent that you rub them the wrong way? I have that situation. The person who holds the ability to decide the funding fate of this program, just isn't a nice guy. The only solace I feel is that he is electing to do this to more than one program. I just can't seem to find the comfort in that I am not alone.
So, how do I move forward in the face of this threat? This is where the rubber meets the road. I need to look at the benefit of the situation. I need to see what lesson I need to learn here. What makes it so hard is that 24 (and ultimately far more) mentally ill people may end up homeless because of this decision. I fear for these people. I fear for myself. It feels so wrong to eliminate support for fundamental services for disabled people. Our program provides housing and food and safety. These are fundamental basics.
What to do.......
I will keep you posted. I have allowed myself 24 hours to be scared and distraught. On Monday, I will look for solutions and light. If you have any suggestions, I'd love to hear from you.

New Year's Resolve; open the lock

2007-12-31T13:05:00.000-08:00

It's New Years Eve and I have been thinking about what is the best piece of information that I have to give you. I feel the excited energy of the people who truly want change in their lives. I worry for those who make resolutions and break them so soon. What can I say to you to make this year THE year?
As I will tell you about in an upcoming column, I am a huge fan of Esther Hicks and the Abraham-Hicks information. I love the analogy of our lives being a river and all that we want is downstream, but all we do is put our boat in the river and paddle upstream. We need to learn to go with the stream and all that we desire will be there. In addition, we need to enjoy the journey and learn from the journey. You wouldn't sign up for a rafting trip and tell the guide to put your boat in 100 yards from the destination. You want to experience the journey.
What I know for sure is that it is the journey that delivers the goods. This is because, in order for us to truly achieve and maintain that achievement, we must become a different person from who we are now. It is the becoming of that person that is the gift, not the goal. The goal is a by-product of the becoming.
In other words, it takes certain character traits and actions to to be an achiever. It is like a combination lock. the traits are the numbers and the actions are the movements on the lock that open it. Locks don't open by chance or with luck. It takes specific numbers (character traits) and movements (actions) to open the lock every time. Once you master what you need, the lock opens every single time.
Embrace the journey and know it is a neccessary part of achievement. If you have the discipline and the commitment for the long haul, you will manifest into your life all that you want to be, do and have. You do not have to work long or hard, you have to work smart. Faydra and Company will offer you ideas and opportunities to awaken your potential. Our company cannot show you the road you need, we can only offer you ideas about topics that may be related to your thoughts that something is out there for you. We can expose you to beliefs and notions that will resonate with who you really are or want to be. That is our goal.
If you have a specific question, let me know and I will do my best to give you information that you need to hear in order to awaken your potential.
Happy New Year!

Meaningful movement is the key to weight loss

2007-12-26T18:35:00.000-08:00

Good Evening

I am watching the poll and it seems to me that there is an interest in learning tricks that will help keep the weight off. Well, the first tip I have is to educate yourself. Most of us who are or who were overweight, are actually suffering a by-product of a bigger issue. The weight is an outward manifestation of an inner issue. Once you can put your finger on why you have the weight issue, the weight will fall off. Trust me. I lost 100 pounds in 10 months eight years ago. The funny thing was, I didn't even set out to lose weight when it happened, but that's a story for later. I just feel that it is very important to tell you that I can give you all the tips in the world, but if you aren't really right with yourself, it will be harder to lose and even harder to keep off.

My advice to anyone who wants to lose weight is to start by moving. You must prioritize YOU into your life. You must commit to YOURSELF and you must not let yourself down. When I was a part of the running group RSAAB, a big part of our commitment to each other was to lose the idea that we didn't have enough time. We exercised in the dark, in the rain at 5:00 a.m. or 8:00 p.m. we committed to ourselves and it paid off. The sisterhood of that group took slackers and made them into achievers. You must get your body healthy. The greatest thing about being overweight and out of shape is that you will lose more weight and make more improvements in your physique at this stage in the game. Because you are out of sorts, the weight will come off the easiest at this stage. Lucky You!
Start by committing to 30 minutes of meaningful exercise. Meaningful means movement that gets your heart pumping and makes you breathe relatively hard. This is the way to burn some calories. A brisk walk is simply a cop out.

So why am I promoting movement first? Because movement will help you in more ways than simply cutting calories. Movement will increase your lung capacity, help your blood flow and burn calories. Most important is the connection to the brain. Movement will induce chemical reactions in your system that will make you feel good.
When I began my movement regimen, I always went alone. To this day, I prefer to exercise alone. It is through the process of losing weight and moving that I really discovered myself and got in touch with my life's purpose. So, if you can, spend this time alone. If you are not interested, find a partner. Either way, JUST DO IT!

Next time we will look at ways to cut calories in your life without feeling punished.

One thing I want to say in all honesty - the whole time I was losing I got so many reactions from people. I learned a lot about human nature and I can easily tell someone who has the capacity to make positive permanent change in their life. If you tell yourself that you are different than I am, or that it was somehow easier for me to lose weight than it will be for you, you will NEVER be thinner. This is how your inner issues are affecting your life. If you have tried to lose weight and have failed over and over again, then that is your signal that you have a belief problem, not a weight problem. I know, because I have been there.

Please post your progress and struggles to the blog and I promise I will walk you through this or email me at lifecoach@shasta.com
P.S. I ran two miles today and I feel great!

Be sure to sign up for the workshop

2007-12-20T18:58:00.000-08:00

Greetings!
Space is filling up for the Resignations and Applictions workshop on January 12 from 10:00 a.m.-12:00 p.m. Make that call to Trilogy Day Spa at 528-0516 and register for two hours of fun and insight. Come learn how resign from issues that no longer serve you. Learn to identify what you want and apply for it.
This workshop is 50% off! $25.00, is a small price to pay to change your focus and create something new and meaningful in your life.
Best of all, come meet Melina Robison, Theta Practitioner and one of my teachers. Listen to my story of how she helped me banish negative thoughts that were keeping me from achieving my desires. See how, after one session, I managed to accomplish something I had desired for years. Watch her show you how muscle testing can show you if you are on or off track with your desires. It's amazing!
See you there!!!
Faydra

What is Divorce Coaching?

2007-12-14T11:05:00.000-08:00

Many are asking, What is Divorce Coaching? Great question. A divorce coach is someone who walks you through the emotional, financial and legal stresses of divorce. A divorce coach is an unbiased, straight-talking support person who provides one to one assistance with:
Emotional support
Agency referrals
Documentation organization
Priority setting
A divorce Coach can help you get organized to think with your head and avoid being run over by emotions; can help you face your realities and look out for your best interest and those of your children; is designed to compliment therapy and support you and your attorney; is a sounding board with practical and personal experience and activities designed to get you through the divorce process with your integrity, checkbook and children intact.
Divorce coaching saves you money, helps you to be organized when you meet with your attorney by having important documents and information ready, keeps you focused should you meet with a therapist and know what issues you want to work on, saves hours of heartache by critically analyzing your unique situation, teaches techniques to build the best post-divorce relationship possible.
Divorce coaching helps you avoid these divorce pitfalls:
the "victim game"
the "winner take all game"
unfounded parent guilt
emotional upheaval
helpless/hopeless and other insecurities
hate or other negative unproductive feelings.
Why do I believe in Divorce Coaching? Because I had a fairly nasty divorce and now I know that it didn't need to be that way. I have a the best post-divorce relationship possible now and I want to help others avoid the pitfalls of divorce.
If you are like I was in my divorce, you may feel like you don't have a lot of options, like you are in an emotional hell and that you are alone, even among family and friends. Like me, you may be making wrong decisions based on emotion and not logic. You may need guidance from an unbiased source that can provide one-stop shopping about the many aspect of divorce. Let's face it, not all of us have family members who are attorney's, fiscal managers, therapists and child development experts. If that's the case for you, then you need the assistance of a great Divorce Coach. Someone who can streamline your needs and get you through this time in your life.
Let me give you one example of a lesson I learned. I used to spend a lot of time focused on wanting my ex-husband to "do the right things" Pick any category and I will tell you I wanted him to do the right thing. What I learned is that it is impossible for me to put an expectation on someone that they meet a need that I have on my terms. When you are married there is an expectation that the two of you are working in each others best interests. Once you are no longer a couple, the expectation must go away. What is most valuable, is when each person realizes this to be fact. No amount of wanting the ex to "do the right thing" is going to make it so. You may be right in a given situation that they could have or should have done something different or better, but being right gets you nowhere. There is no divorce referee who will call a foul on your ex and give you a divorce point.
Once you realize that divorce is not fair and no amount of desire will make it so, you can get on to the reality of what divorce is and move forward. Once you are no longer a couple, it is fully understandable that your ex is going to make choices based on a logic that does not include you and your needs. As an ex, you really have no right to expect anything other than legally set judgements. Beyond that, anything kind, generous or otherwise helpful from your ex is a pure bonus. I used to get caught up in the "I'm the mother of his children" trap and let me tell you, for most, it is a trap. It is a rare ex who remains committed to the "mother of his children". A man wants to maintain his commitment to his children and has moved on from the emotional ties to their mother. He may think of you fondly in his memories, but he most likely will not articulate that to you. Men, hear me clearly too, it is the same for a woman. Women tend to be more emotionally in tune with themselves and may spend more time reflecting on years gone by, but women heal and loose their emotional connections as well.
So what happens when you let go of your expectations? Sometimes people start to step up to the plate. Sometimes they do the absolute minimum possible. Either way, once you have dropped your expectations, neither scenario matters. If you get supported in a way that feels good, great. If nothing happens, you feel no loss.
The important thing is that this is a two way street. It is just as important that you do not do any more in regards to your ex than you would for an acquaintance or not-too-close friend. More importantly, don't do things to be manipulative or a martyr.
This natural give and take will be difficult at first, but it will repair your relationship. I used to think that if I just explained to my ex how his action (or sometimes inaction) was hurting me or the kids, he would want to make a change. I let my emotions get in the way. He would never agree with my perspective and I never felt the support, understanding or relief that I truly wanted. I was always upset and always felt wronged. Then it hit me one day how hard it must be for him to try to be establishing his Independence from me and what used to be our "family" and to create a new life with a new woman and start their "family" She and I most certainly had different viewpoints about how he should interact with each of us and I knew enough to know that I was not going to receive the interaction I desired. So, I forced myself to completely detach myself from him. Once I started to no longer see him as a resource, I felt better. Not at first. It hurts to let go and say goodbye to things that you shared. Over time, it became normal for me to find solutions to problems on my own. This has helped me to interact with him on a friendly basis without expectations. This is one of the reasons that we have helped develop a less hostile environment for our kids. That makes it all worthwhile.

How do you spend your time?

2007-12-09T09:24:00.000-08:00

Good Sunday morning to you! I want to ask you, how do you spend your time? Do you trade your money for time? Do you offer up 8 or more hours per day working for someone else? If you work for yourself, do you make the most of this time? What do you do with your free time? Is it productive? Or is it idle and filled with TV: sports, reality TV, soaps, or other shows? Do you take a lie-in on the weekends and get up hours after you really should? Do you burn the midnight oil on the computer and then have no resiliency to wake up the next morning? All of these activities eat up massive quantities of your time. They are usually the things that hold successful people back.
Tim Ferris wrote a book called The Four Hour Work Week. This book helps people realize just how much they allow their time to be consumed by non-events. Events that bring you nowhere. He also talks about ways that successful people curb those behaviors and add other behaviors that allow them to amass serious amounts of time and cash. At first, I listened to his book on CD. Why? Because I was traveling and knew that I would have time available when I was driving. Next, I purchased his book and went back and flagged the information that was useful to me.
It was great to be exposed to his thoughts because I, like Tim, had been living a sort of four hour work week for a few years. I knew many of the things that he was teaching. Affirmation is fabulous!
What did I know that he knew? I knew that there are many time wasters out there that keep us from making the most of our day. Making the most of my day means that I do the things that I need to do quickly and efficiently, so I can move on to the things that I want to do.
Now, this brings up a very interesting thought. One that is a commonality of the thoughts in many aspects of my life. What I WANT to do, is not what most people would think. In respect to free time, I do not WANT to lie around in the numbness of television. I do not WANT to waste hours of my day sleeping in late. I do not WANT to drink massive doses of caffeine to stay up all night on MySpace.
Similarly, with my weight management, I try to maintain a strict diet and exercise routinely. I'm not talking pro-athlete routine, but strict for me having lost 100lbs eight years ago without third party intervention. Having said that, I do cut loose on occasion. Now again, what I WANT when I cut loose is not a 1,000 calorie meal or a 64oz. Latte.
So what DO I want? I use my free time to coach cheer leading, manage a traveling girls basketball team, be a school board member, have lunch with my teenager or friends or business associates, go shopping for things that I want and need, take lots of mini vacations throughout the year, that kind of stuff. In regard to TV, I am a national spokesperson for TIVO. Everyone should have it. I record the hand full of shows that I love and I watch them when I want to. I tell my husband all the time. I control the tv, the tv, does not control me.I NEVER watch sports. It's like living vicariously through another person. I don't get it. It takes hours to watch a basketball, football or NASCAR race. Do you know how much can be done in that amount of time. Now, if you ARE an athlete and you watch your "sport" on tv, well, alright, that is at least a form of training, maybe. The point is that my experience is that sport watchers go from sport, to sport, to sport with each season and that they spend phenomenal amounts of time in a prone position watching others being active. Then they complain about never having enough time to get things done, like exercise or yard work or planning their next career move. Helllooooo!
With regard to weight loss, I see people who say "I have been good all week" and then decide that they "deserve" to be bad, so they eat God-knows-what and engage in no form of exercise and then suffer a major depression when the scale returns their favor of increased calories with an increased scale number. Hellllooooo!
When I am "bad" I might have a 12oz latte or a single scoop of Baskin Robbins and then move on. No harm, no regret, no backsliding.
So, what have I been doing this week with the time, my lifestyle has afforded me. I have completed all of my duties of my 40 hour job in about 10 hours. I also completed the physical for my new job as a court investigator that will pay an additional 20 hours per week for about 5 hours worth of work. I wrote my article for the Daily News, and worked on the new blog that you are enjoying, finalized the logo for Faydra and Company, Handed out posters to promote my new workshop, Fund raised 500.00 for the cheer leading team in 1 1/2 hours, made food for 40 and attended my husband's Christmas party, attended a school board meeting, went to a basketball game for my younger daughters, watched my oldest perform in drama at the high school, fund raised gathering clothing for needy children for the basketball team, went shopping with my daughters, deep cleaned my kitchen, living room, and bathroom, enjoyed the kart races at the fairgrounds, had two nice dinners out, and watched Hairspray with my kids. I put in at least 4 hours of exercise this week and put in at least 5 hours of personal education through non-fiction reading, DVDs or CDs. That is what I can remember off the top of my head. All of which were simple; I was not pressed for time and I really enjoyed what I accomplished.
My point is that because I work smart and not hard, because I do not fill my time with non-value, and because I am organized, I accomplish more and I get more in return. Before this blog entry this morning, I spent time with education, made a hot breakfast, cuddled with my 13-year-old and appreciated the beauty of our Christmas tree. As soon as I am done here, I will run a quick two miles, then I will clean my closet, get some laundry done while I bake 6 dozen cookies for a Diva Cookie Party I was invited to tomorrow. My life is full and fun and yours can be too.
Look at the non-productive time-zappers in your life. Don 't let the shiny box keep you from losing track and loosing time. Don't let Fettuccine Alfredo steal your weight loss. Drink that latte, but try a 12oz. non-fat decaf with no whip version.
What do you think?

Welcome to Faydra and Company!

2007-12-05T17:08:00.000-08:00

Good evening and welcome to Faydra's blog. This site is dedicated to awakening your potential. If you have followed my column in the Red Bluff Daily News, you know that I believe that it is through accountability that we can achieve anything in our lives. I have developed a new process to let go of negative thoughts, circumstances and issues through Resignations and Applications. This revolutionary idea will help you say good-bye to whatever is holding you back, and say hello to the new ideas that will springboard your success. Be sure to check out the details on the blog page.

I look forward to interacting with you on a regular basis and sharing experiences, insights and thoughts about how you can be, do and have anything in life you can conceive.
Until next time!
work smart not hard
Faydra

Upcoming Workshop - Sign Up Now!

2007-12-04T13:35:00.000-08:00

Coming January 12, 2008 - 10 a.m. - Noon*
Trilogy Day Spa Presents
“Resignations & Applications”
Workshop
with
Faydra & Company
Speaker: Faydra Rector-Sargent, MA
Columnist for the Red Bluff Daily News
Take this powerful course and learn my revolutionary concept that helps you let go of issues that hold you back – achieve the life you deserve.

Course includes two hours of fun, laughter, and practical advice on achieving your goals. An easy-to-understand workbook is included for your continued success.

Don’t Miss Out! Sign Up Now!

Faydra is a life coach, author, and columnist for the Red Bluff Daily News
- look for her weekly column Wednesdays on page two,
which features strategies to be, do, and have all that you want and deserve.

Email or Call to sign up today!
lifecoach@shasta.com Trilogy: 530.528.0516

*Additional workshop will develop if capacity for training reached

LOCATION: Trilogy Day Spa – 440 Antelope Blvd. Suite 2, Red Bluff